[sral]

I understand Headless hasn’t been around for some time, so to give him an idea here what I generally like to do is give my thoughts on the topic at hand prior to getting into a vote - so that it perhaps gives more insight into why, and how, I come to my inevitable conclusion. I selected this topic with both you and your original opponent (Master Rock) in mind. The topic itself, to me, suited you both in terms of it being able to be interpreted in different ways. The image presents you both with a character, open to world building and imagery, but it also has a sinister side to it with the outline of the skull that presents a darker and macabre side to proceedings - perhaps an unforeseen twist ahead. I definitely think that is the way I may have played this, there’s something very Grimm’s Fairy Tales-esque about the topic that I like. There’s a bleak contrast between the perceived innocence of the child and her surroundings, the almost desolate woodland she inhibits, the apples not falling far from the tree(s) that could have been utilised and worked into the story. There is some sort of blackbird on the branches, a crow or raven perhaps, that could be interpreted into the storyline as death awaiting somehow. I think an idea may perhaps have been to have taken a female character from a popular childhood fable, like a Little Red Riding Hood or Beau Peep, and put a sinister twist on the tale itself. This could have been some sort of daughter of a serial killer reaching a point in time where she also starts feeling the urge to kill. The elements of death give plenty of legroom to work with, but anyway, let’s see what you guys managed to do with this…


Etherwave: I thought your opening line(s) were worked well enough to draw me in as a reader, they definitely did their job in that sense. The setting was laid out well, even if the formatting wasn’t what were traditionally accustomed to reading in topical pieces. What I enjoyed were the more subtle references to what’s seen in the image here being utilised, “Finding new mysteries in every crack and crevice,” was one I enjoyed early on referring to the different wants this can be interpreted (or that’s what I read from it, at least). The later mention of the orchard where birds were her friends and so forth was alluded to well, perhaps not completely direct as I may have gone myself, but still present and relevant. “There’s nothing rotten here.” as a stand alone line, almost a slight break in the thought process it reads and I did enjoy how that was formatted. It’s different, for sure, but different doesn’t always equate to wrong. I felt the resolution could have been stronger to really anchor the verse, what you did have was substantial but I did feel it could have been given more weight by way of a lesson learned or moralistic take. If I can be slightly more honest, I did feel this felt more of a character sketch than an in-depth character study - elements like the “Him,” for example were mentioned briefly but not really built upon beyond that. As a reader I wanted something more to really help lift them off the page and bring the characters to life, or even become more invested emotionally in what happens to them and how things play out - That said, I fully understand that the constraints of the line limit, perhaps coupled with the fact you stood in on short notice, helped compound matters in that regard so I am allowing for some leeway. Just something to consider going forward in the tournament.

Headless: I understand you’ve conceded and don’t wish to proceed regardless of the battles eventual outcome, but since you took the time to leave a submission let’s at least offer you some feedback on what was dropped. The result of these things is never as important as the feedback received regardless, that’s what we’re all here for. The first major difference between your own writing and your opponents here is perhaps the degree of technical skill in the rhyme scheme deployed and use of multi-syllable rhyming. Now, while that is duly noted, the other thing stylistically that separates you both is the approach and execution employed. While Ether opted for a more emotionally driven take, incorporating the imagery into her piece, you instead took a more conventional approach to your storytelling, with a slight twist at the end. I personally think you may have wrote this quickly, pretty much last minute, and while you do several things well enough from a technical standpoint - the verse suffers. This is partly because of its brevity, not giving you time to fully immerse yourself or the reader in its narrative, but also in part due to the wording at times which hurts you somewhat. There are smaller things such as “speak thanks,” which comes off clunky - made all the more noticeable as it’s an end rhyme too - but also the sanguine/rot reads awkwardly (to me). There’s a real sort of lack of progression towards the body of the verse, where the lines aren’t particularly driving the storyline forwards or keeping the readers attention, and then before we know it - the slight twist at the end is brought in, but having also lacked the character development or an emotive factor fully, the reader isn’t as invested in what happens to the central character and thus it just kind of… ends. It needed more. Not in terms of line, per se, but in terms of character development, imagery, emotion and resolution. There was no real conflict to drive the story, for me, and conflict drives great stories. Ether definitely had more of that, even if she didn’t have so much of the technical proficiency you brought in her own verse. I still think she had enough here to take this battle, regardless of people (not) understanding multi syllable rhymes - that may be one deciding factor, but it’s not the be all and end all. Her writers voice was the stronger of the two, conceptually she had more to offer and the way she interweaved the various elements from the image into her own work were done well - or at least, done better in those categories than we find in your own here. For a combination of those reasons, I would also have given Etherwave the win this round.