[Split]

the harder it's exposed, the harder to make true,

this is a good opener and in my opinion perfectly sets the tone and the mood of your verse...


(still sometimes choose to taste it),

interesting punctuation use... alwasy seen parentheses as a thing thats like a necessary afterthought to a detail.. here it seems more like a detail itself

me i knew few faces, just knew the way which
was to pay my dues to be due a payslip,
you ain't the First, you a pilgrim,
understand it is written... you're; the words; all its fiction.
-- all the friction from the grind's quite worthless,
just to face-fuck anything that's divine: like earth is.

this was your wheelhouse here, very impressive transitions and placement of internal rhymes

(mis)understand how blundered man is by times working,
timed work-slips, it's underhand... my spine diverges.

so, up until this bar, you were picking apart you and your relationship with time.. and the parentheses completely change whether or not he is actually tied to time, or merely believes he is... which is a quite clever observation, because no matter what he is tied to his perception

^which brings me to this:
moving through the oblongata to the navel:
that's a fucked up angle, like taking cuts from anvils,
*clink, clank* jump back,
remember the loving jangle of my mother’s bangles,

"clink clank" fits perfectly.... the way he recalls memories (nostalgia) makes him feel longing for the ringing of his moms earrings... but this sound, in a different light can easily become a ball and chain, something that tethers him to his past...

the eyes purpose obscures that which your mind searches.

thats an impactful line. if it was offhandly tossed in the piece, it'd be one thing, but it fits perfectly here like the kick of a key in a tumbler...

instead rock a headdress where holy feathers fold,
i wanna be about peace, or love. dead nouns
and Red Cloud(s) up where... only heaven knows

think you rhymed too loosely here

maybe i read too deep with that breakdown, but either way i can tell you constructed this nice


cool.. well, i liked the cadence a lot.. loose/ not wound mad tight so textheads will be forced to appreciate all the callbacks and multis.. but if any of those dudes read a piece like this out loud, they'd see the rhymes might not be perfectly accented- but it still transitions perfectly... some dudes will say that u gotta tighten up your flow and rhymes, but tbh i really enjoyed the freeform/ free-flowing style u got here

not to mention, it was a very thoughtful verse... didnt waste any words, very strong wordplay+ figurative language, a lot of standout phrases and you didnt cop-out on any rhymes. you use punctuation the right way, which is key imo.. almost remind me of Matriarch's style (who you should peep btw)

my advice is to occasionally line up your rhymes and just really execute them down to the syllable, cause while this piece worked with a lot of consonance/ assonance, a couple really strong bars make a verse feel tied together.

anyways. thought this was dope dude... dunno if you knew my alias from the old NCs or been reading the archives, but good to know youve read some of my stuff

keep keyin