Etherwave:
tbh I was off put by the first line, but reading the rest was smooth. could have easily started this piece from line two.
this is a solid piece, a clear little compact storytelling the much grander and bigger story of humanity, its wars and its path, the desperation to know some answer or path and yet really never getting a clear answer so making the best of what we had and trying to figure it out on our own. I like the emphasis put on reaching out to a god, it happening twice before it feels like they give up.
"we didn't fall, we just never reached grace" was dope. the ending line's "gardens grow" bit was a bit long and didn't feel like it quite fit, but the last sentence was fire.
some really strong inners as well, "no avail", "wails/space", "sailed/craved", "trail/paved".
this was written pretty clearly, which is usually good in my opinion, although I do like a little "hmm I wonder what...".
A couple of spots didn't quite land for me, but not enough to detract from the piece in a significant way.
Master Rock:
"broken man vs scrap metal machines" is dope, and I would have liked to see this explored more. it almost feels like someone is haphazardly putting together machines for some small hope, whatever it may be.
I like the broad strokes of "bioengineering society transcending into cybernetical fiends", I think it's a good sci-fi trope-ish where as society improves and you can start "upgrading" your life, there are people that take it too far and the moral quandary ends up being "at what point have you lost your humanity" - especially in a world where robots/etc. are more stable and accepted, is it more likely that many no longer believe in the "soul" as some metaphysical thing? at what point DO you lose your humanity?
the middle bit lost me for awhile, and cast some confusion for myself as the reader on who or what the narrator was - who's cooking, was its childhood made by a program, etc.
my best guess is a man who has gone down some cybernetic path and is clinging to what tiny bit remains of his humanity - "I'm losing my mind, black hole sun is glooming my shine" makes me tend in that direction.
the rest of the piece, the ending, seems to confirm my initial theory: nightmares awakening (whether they are robots or cybernetics or humans that are doing immoral things...), (although, not sure how much of a nightmare optimus prime is xD), the pollution perhaps being the growing addiction/interest in enhancing oneself.
The trinity of soldiers line connected directly with the topic which was cool - kinda a media res moment, and the "fires are at stake" struck me again as "the last burning embers of humanity".
the ending felt a little rushed - I would have liked a bit more time in that "media res" as I had thought it to be, confronting, but it panned out very quickly.
ending lines regarding "eras die for others to be born" is cool.
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For me this is the closest battle I've had to vote on - Etherwave's piece is clear, succinct, excellent demonstration of rhyme and flow. Master Rock's piece is grittier (in the sense of the vocab/imagery), and while longer it didn't quite fill my appetite for the story that was unfolding - however, it led me down several interesting questions that were less about the piece and more about the human condition.
To avoid bias affecting my vote I'm just gonna lean into some things I've been saying recently: flow is king, clarity is queen.
all said, mvgt Etherwave by a slim margin.
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