[Sinacog]

it wasn’t too long ago, though hindsight is muddled at best
I remember. clear as my reflection in the puddles of stress
that clung to my chest. that sweet, bitter numbing effect
of retreating back into the arms of comfort’s neglect.
wide-eyed, wider pupils. that insufferable sweat
of the substances I run to for my love of regret
lulled into bed by the sullen threads I mulled in my head;
Jumbles of text my lullaby for a mummified rest

Dulled intellect. only ego to keep the sky afloat
Mind the boat, we're sinking deeper into the dream that I demote
Women and childhoods first - quickly now, untie the rope
Abandon ship, it's cancerous, let's see how far the tide'll go
Now the escape pod wanders beyond the currents of my control
Silent boasts drop anchor in the shallows of my siphoned soul
True Gemini, two ends of I, at our cores an isotope
torn between seeing the world through telescopes or a microscope

I don't know...

I don't keep up with the trends anymore, they're so foolish
concluding with the same feelings that are introduced -
no new shit, the pool is on the brink of diluted
I swear if Sisyphus was here you guys would think he's the coolest
so simple, so clueless. Compliments got me mixed up
"You're so smart/funny/talented - how do you come up with this stuff?"
So I sit up with a big huff, extend a smile of my glib trust
Knowing that after I read Midnight’s Children, I didn’t write for 6 months

I knew I’d never be the genius that I wanted to be
or the prodigy I got other people charmed to believe
Instead of think of it, my insignificance became my comic relief -
Look at all the things I invest my time in, forgotten in weeks

Existential hyperventilation: corsage of defeat
That helps me blend in with the rest of them, donned as fatigues
Cuz we all run on the same wheel, daunted to see
The speed at which our feet persist while dreams fall underneath

They wander, recede at impossible speeds. a crease in time
Separates the rate of wasted fate to moments that, though brief, define
The contexts we exist in, the things that give us meaning -
Signs that give us our direction, courage to self-realize

Everything I seek to find blossoms from a seed of rhyme
Lessons that I need survive, etched within these metered lines
Just like the ocean recalibrates my body, gives me peace of mind
An open moleskin is my escape into the sea of ink I leave behind

Breathe deep, then dive...

My poetry is home for me, my prose is haunted
Both are contras.
Fighting to steal purpose from each broken promise
Cloaked as offices, monotonous social dogmas
That confuse the meaning of being hopeless and modest
I've never been the best, smartest or most accomplished
But these words are my only window to be open and honest

***

my niece was born, not too long ago, a small slice of the heavens
The past alive right in front of me, hindsight in the present
So excited to venture in the grass, dig in the dirt till her hands fill -
Feel the earth at a standstill
No concept of yesterday or the expanse of tomorrow
I couldn't hope to find a better example to follow

vs.

Smorgasboard empire's burn, fire's urn wages with metal swords
Channeling dark aura through swordsmanship, I settle scores
Revel war in a black coat, Zion approaches war with hell spawns
I sound the horn of Gabriel, and my name rings a bell's charm
Burning swords relish in war, metal swords clash with claws
Clash of maws, I hold god's tongue with the brash of gauze
Relish hunger pains, comatose wars with egregious war owls
Battlefields of armistice's, and effigies of blemished sinful plagues
Noncholant oil owls, ponder life expectancy, synchronicity is released through magic
Ariskima's of black magic turn their heads at prophets, black thoughts of tragic
Modern horsemen of old relic times, hold seldom plots for ominous retribution
Synonymous with dispution, war hero's of war owls hold honesty's retribution
We forlorn owls of Lileth's, Lileth's owls rest on the mountains of frost and fire
Wind is the cost of fire, water of earth's embellishment is a blue bonnet's choir
Solemn hands in the eyes of a snake, sharp flickering tongues entice mice and rodents
A slice is potent, one sharp thought connecting with a sharp tongue will slice a ocean
Ponder ominous retribution, conquering embellished times, seldom plot the winter's sun
Sinister shelter's holding blasphemous refugee's, hold Sodom's tongue
Bottomless pits of devils holding metal swords, hold accord to hell's tongue
Frozen tundra's of stomach's and lung's from Angels hold hell as frozen
Hell's fire turns to ice with a Angel's wish, a priests prayer vanishes devil's
Seropth's are summoned with a flick of God's Sphinx tongue, to vanquish demons
Andrew the Seropth holds dominion to beggars, anguished metal
For when hell froze over unto a frozen tundra'; there marked the Spanish devil..
Onyx sword slicing hordes, vice grip on war and embellished worry tangent times
Saddest cries, we conjure black magic on those who want to live lavished lives
Brandish knives, somber of hand, saying swears and broken promises on the promised land
Yonder man, sought the sand; we hold the sheltered refugees for a conquest sand
Promised land, burrows in the sand; lost refugees of Noah's Ark
Owls of Noah's Ark, Andrew Flores, standard chorus; burning forests of righteousness
Sordid enticing than, Lord of a vice grip wind, swords that will slice your sin
Accord from a dieing wind, morbid with silent wind, chorus of silent sin
Modern times verses Roman empire, we hold the waters for a oceans fire
Tears of joy, and rain of cry's; we cry for forty days and forty days to save the night
Owls of Noah's Ark, conjure vast wisdom on pairs of people and animals
Precious from above, precious from a dove; we're dreaming with lavished souls
Snake eyes on refugee's, roll the dice for forty days and forty nights
Soul of silent fire, we wash away sins and regrets with a story's plight
Owls of Noah's Ark, embellish worry tangent times, for a schism of hollow ships
For when the shallow met the gallows, the rainbows painted a canvas ship
Owls of Noah's Ark grow into Dove's of Noah's Ark, the day is fair
For when a rainbow froliced and prospered over a ocean, doves came in pairs..