[sral]

I fucked with it. Shame to see more people aren’t taking up the reigns and just dropping feedback here for the fun of it, but I read it so let me at least point out a couple things I enjoyed in the hope you choose to stick around and post more or respond to some others here at least.

The subject matter isn’t all that relatable to me personally as I’m a married man a decade plus in, but I do get how you can still sort of want to be friends with someone. I personally think you want more with this chick if that’s your outlook but hey, I’m not judging, just my thoughts.

The shorter lined flow is always welcomed by me. I saw the scheming, the internals and externals, sometimes you stepped it up and others let it ride which can be important actually in knowing when to do that (and when not to). I would aim to do more on the second line of a couplet, or fourth line in a quatrain if you’re using the same over arching rhyme scheme - just for impact. Think of it like a punchline you’re building up to. The final line is the one that lands, that’s when you want to have full momentum going into it, use the rest to build up to it. Having more happen in the setup somewhat takes away some of its sting, you know?

Keep that pen moving!