broken - i'll get the wack shit out of the way. the last three lines of the 3rd stanza was too verbose bro. all that ing shit....like get to the point, son. where is this leadING to? with that said, i really liked this verse. cools little sci fi story, hints of matrix and battlefield earth in there. interesting idea and very well tailored to the topic. something about hive mind vs individuality. cool.
sym a cool little venture into Brick in the Wall. the school/factory concept isnt necessarily new but it worked here because of the topic at hand. again, like your other verses, the rhyming was really not great. lots of basic shit like say and gay, you and two. but you've written like 4 verses this week so i can give u a pass but...
vote broken, i think his was better thoughout and of a higher level of writing imo.
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I remember the poplar trees
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