Scar: I thought you were on shakier ground towards the start where you attempted the carry-over rhyme scheme, I can understand exactly what you were attempting but in truth it came off perhaps a little too clunkily here. You did clean that up considerably shortly afterwards, from that whole “blunt force trauma,” and onwards you seemed to up things a gear - the writing became more fluent, the sentences read more naturally, the introduction of the dialogue between characters was kept short and punctual and the verse read all the better for it to be truthful. “It was an oddest scene,” read a little awkward but perhaps it was intentional given the boys perceived age so I’ll work past that and keep things moving here, things get a little convoluted a bit later on around the whole “as he stops and freeze,” which could have been worded much better. I’m sure you’ll know that. The resolution here didn’t really strike me that cleanly (pardon the pun) but I’m guessing you were pushed for time and/or ran out of steam. This is definitely beatable. Top of the first on Aero I guess…
Aero: I kind of wished you had taken this one either slightly more seriously with the idea of your own time being up, OR gone the complete opposite way of that and write something comedic about someone’s time being up and creating a bucket list of something for them to do. Destroyer’s bucket list. Bags bucket list. It could have been anyone’s here really and I think you would have done really well with that as a topic open to a creative take. This one had some humour, no doubt, but also pitfalls in terms of not fully embracing the topic (until perhaps near its end). You could definitely have beaten out Scar here this week had you come with it. This verse wasn’t the one though my guy.
Vote - Scar
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