Symetrik: I’ll tell you what I enjoyed here, the conversational tone you struck. It’s writers voice was pretty spot on, opening with a very universally relatable feeling and the slow building from that place and adding in the finer details. It wasn’t just that though, even the word choices were inspired like the “dripping” with anxiety for example that tied back in to the topic image which I thought was a deft touch. Nothing too heavy-handed or overdone in that regard, but I can imagine it being said with a knowing nod towards the topic at play.
If I can come back to what I mentioned a little earlier here, the conversational tone of this one was a highlight for me. It isn’t always perfect, don’t get me wrong, and at times it felt like there was a rhyme missing or something that I had overlooked - but the writers voice here certainly helped in me overlooking that aspect as I continued on.
The couplet about the blogger was a great little observation, I thought, again really relatable to the viewership no doubt but it’s little snippets like that which sort give us an insight into your thought process - or your characters at least - and I liked that uniqueness to it, it was almost like a slightly comedic break from what was otherwise a heavier subject matter on someone with crippling social anxiety. I actually thought you came back and touched on this too a little later on, towards the final third, when you brought up “we'd rather connect to you as a human being with a similar life.” because that’s definitely where my head was in regard to this one. I think conceptually and execution wise you had a strong submission this week.
Brokenhal0: I’m a horror aficionado at heart, so when I got to the point of “portraying his own death in the pictures,” you had me rooting for you here for sure. If I can pause at that second briefly, I wrote something (I think against Master Rock, possibly Inno/Candy?) a while back about a camera found on the ground that took pictures of everyone that would later end up dead. This gives me those sort of vibes early on here. Lol. As this continued it grew on me, the artist becoming the art himself when mixing in pieces of his own flesh and blood (blood, sweat and tears? Ca-ching!) I felt you grew stronger conceptually as you built this up, though I must say I found the ending somewhat confusing and I’m not entirely sure what happened at the closing line unfortunately. I’ve read it a couple of times over too and I still find myself a little polarised by it, sorry about me if I missed something. So how do I score it? In terms of concept I honestly leaned a little more towards BH here due to the left field take and it’s creativity, still felt Sym absolutely nailed his in terms of the writers voice throughout and the blogger section he had especially, I enjoyed both in terms of their execution but for wildly different reasons - Sym due to this almost conversation narrative that firmly drew me on side as a reader here, but Halo’s in terms of this almost sci-fi tale with the artist becoming fully involved in his creation… I pretty much fucked with it right up until those last two closing lines where the resolution just didn’t give me the closure I was perhaps looking for. I think I’m still going to give the win to BH this week, regardless of how I feel about the closing couplet particularly, just because conceptually and execution wise there was a lot I enjoyed here and almost everything but that resolution was really enjoyable for me. I guess the horror fan in me played its part in my decision. Thanks for showing up guys!
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