Some days, I feel like I've been overly filled to the brim and am dripping with anxiety.
but I'm good at pretending and I try really hard to not bother my friends.
I understand that my self-reliance developed as a means to an end,
but if I distract myself to ignore the problems until it's time for bed...
that means I can't trust myself OR others... and that shit kinda gets to my head.
So what works? Well...
I've tried to breath, tried to pop pills, and tried to name three colours within sight of me.
but usually, what works better is deleting my contacts
and maybe it's manic and tactless, but the fact is...
for better or worse, it helps me find a way to relax.
realizing I'm lonely as fuck is the only drawback...
that I've seen so far.
and so far,
I've "tried and seen" the advice that pops up in the side bar and disregards my right to privacy,
They're so god damn insistent. "15 things to do today to cure your fucked up brain"
Y'all need to stop vomiting up the same shitty articles that every wannabe blogger makes.
What's up with the writers these days being consistently fake?
like take a hint,
we'd rather connect to you as a human being with a similar life.
even if some aspects of it are better than mine.
I wish we had the capacity to heal our wounds when we write,
but instead, I'll show you the art that I'm consistently hidden behind.
and I can't tell if y'all recognize the demons that I silently fight.
but I'd appreciate it if you were patient and kind,
at least for the night.
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