[sral]

Dope topic this week, I loved how it opens up with some action from the off but also how this image topic can be used either as the starting point to build a world around OR as a final shot as the piece potentially draws to a close. There’s a lot of options on this one, from an execution standpoint, but it also opens things up for a world building storyline effort that could be taken a multitude of routes. This matchup is particularly interesting because there’s a history to the two of you having faced each other previously also which adds another edge to it. I know both are going to bring it this week and neither will be sleeping. Let’s see what we have…


Brokenhal0: I thought you opened strongly here this week, your rhyme scheme was great from a technical standpoint in those initial lines - which kept things moving along nicely, but even with that aside this was a solid showing from a storytelling standpoint too. If I’m nitpicking over small details the soufflé to the sponge line seemed somewhat out of place in the context of the bank heist being described but it wasn’t anything major enough to distract from what was otherwise very well written. Probably the best I’ve seen from you in truth.

The repeating of ‘pump shotgun’ in two lines back to back felt a somewhat unusual choice, I couldn’t help but notice that. It would be so easy to switch it to ‘shotty’ or something simple in that second line while not taking anything away from the line because you already have explained what it is in the setup - so it’s just reinforcing the idea, or referencing it briefly, it is a super easy fix to make. The over-arching rhyme scheme you chose to carry was done well here, definitely a highlight that stood out as the read progressed, the whole ‘Over-‘ scheme worked for me too in that section and I felt you built it up well without it feeling overbearing or overdone (see what I did there?) which it could easily have been if there hadn’t been so much attention paid to it. I think your style can sometimes be too sporadic and we don’t get to see you writing consistently at your ceiling - but this week it feels like something clicked for you and a lot came together well, the shorter lines for the flow, the scheming back and forth not just with the multies from a technical standpoint but other smaller elements combining, this wasn’t even typical storytelling mode really where things are wrapped up in a neat bow at the end for the reader, the end was sort of polarising and let the reader question what they thought happened almost - Was it a fabrication of some sort, we’re these guys imagining this, having some sort of flashback to their past actions as thieves breaking and entering? That’s the sort of vibe I got from it personally, is that everything they had done previously was coming back to haunt them, weighing heavily on their consciousness, inescapable. They may have got away with it initially but karma was playing a long game. I thought that idea was great personally.

symetrik: I loved the conversational opening line asking something of the reader, I felt that was really strong and immediately it spoke to me as a reader as a result. Even though we’re from different time zones or even countries and I’ve no way of recalling it, the direct line of the questioning is like you’re speaking to me and me alone right there. The same thing could, of course, be directed at anyone - but it gives the feel as if you’re talking openly with me and me alone from the off which was a great way to shift my attention toward you. The next section also appealed to me about the engine block, but I want to say it was more because of the narrative tone deployed here and the writers voice again. That last line in particular with regard to it getting too hot so it gets instantly dialled back again - that was absolutely dope, I loved that line for its simplicity. It was conversational, it was light hearted and humorous, but it also had a real element to it that I’m sure many others will relate to a lot. It may not seem like a massive thing in the grander scheme of things, but those little connections between the writer and the reader all combine to make this thing easily accessible - and even digestible. There’s a semblance of truth in them we can all relate to in some form, it’s a very human thing to do. The comedic angle of it isn’t lost on me either here, I really enjoyed the injection of humour it had. There’s another instance of it too a little later on with “but it’s better to check,” that I enjoyed (though not as much as I did the first admittedly). Lol. The pot shot at broken halo somewhere toward the mid-end didn’t escape me either, I liked that and thought it was done well, as with the ‘twist’ on the pet being the one say inside the car too. This was actually a really cool battle to read through I thought, both verses had differences in terms of execution to them, but it’s BOTW for sure you guys had here. I actually fucked with Symetrik’s twist ending heavy, I thought he delivered that final line really well and caught me with the twist, where as Halos ending was more polarising I guess and left things more open to interpretation - The deciding factor I guess for me this week was somewhat a combination of the mechanics involved in BH’s, which was wrote really well let’s not understate that here and give the guy his flowers, but also in how he went about executing his verse was dope too with the over arching rhyme schemes and coupled with his flow - This was a prime Brokenhal0 we got to witness. Two good verses from you guys, both with their own individual merits to them, I just feel that personally BH had more going in his verse that I look for in my own writing personally when I’m putting verses down for the league. That’s what lead me to vote his way, no more to it really. The two of you are really evenly matched and this a close one in my mind, no clear cut winner about it, just that we have to pick one we favour over the other and find a decision somehow. I hate to kick rocks, so there you have it. My vote is for BH.