Netcees - View Single Post - XI WK V: MMLP (2-2) vs. Diablo (4-0) (DIABLO WINS)

Universe · 01-17-2023, 02:58 PM

Diablo:

Man... this was insane. What a journey. One of the strongest narrative driven pieces I've seen from you. The way you described the crowds...
the chanting,
the screams and THUDS
The loudest ranting
The teams
The muck!
I'm stuck...
Running amok...
In the--
Fuck...

Sorry lol, this was just so cool. A twisted path down the dark web leading us to a game where the inevitable beating and crushing happens... Gotta love you Footie fans... and how it all occurs so slow... before the whistle blows....Hence the length of the piece and HOW it's presented... yikes.

Just brilliant, Lars. Loved it.

Now go write a book or something.

MMLP:

Started off great as always. Your usual wit and unique back-and-forth flow on full display:

"the emotion, the roar of the crowds swiftly entered the fray
which injects in our veins
its like MDMA as this adrenaline takes over the horde
were beginning to remember the names"

And I LOVED this part...

"with the final whistle fast approaching
one final push and now the fans have woken
the other side were too acrimonious and lacking focus
but this be could their Magnum Opus"

(Use a thesaurus though.. the word "final" in two back-to-back lines is jarring)

The way you break up your lines is always so impressive. Makes my presentation and flow seem basic in comparison, honestly.

Wasn't a huge fan of the ending... technically you were fine but, although you took a little personal shot at your opponent which I love in topicals, it still fell flat and came off rather juvenile. Like, "my dad can beat up your dad" but in rhyme form lol.

Obviously you know you're not winning this or you would've posted a lot more to match Lars but thanks for showing regardless and putting a quick, yet entertaining, effort forward.

Vote: Diablo

01-17-2023, 02:58 PM	#4
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Diablo: Man... this was insane. What a journey. One of the strongest narrative driven pieces I've seen from you. The way you described the crowds... the chanting, the screams and THUDS The loudest ranting The teams The muck! I'm stuck... Running amok... In the-- Fuck... Sorry lol, this was just so cool. A twisted path down the dark web leading us to a game where the inevitable beating and crushing happens... Gotta love you Footie fans... and how it all occurs so slow... before the whistle blows....Hence the length of the piece and HOW it's presented... yikes. Just brilliant, Lars. Loved it. Now go write a book or something. MMLP: Started off great as always. Your usual wit and unique back-and-forth flow on full display: "the emotion, the roar of the crowds swiftly entered the fray which injects in our veins its like MDMA as this adrenaline takes over the horde were beginning to remember the names" And I LOVED this part... "with the final whistle fast approaching one final push and now the fans have woken the other side were too acrimonious and lacking focus but this be could their Magnum Opus" (Use a thesaurus though.. the word "final" in two back-to-back lines is jarring) The way you break up your lines is always so impressive. Makes my presentation and flow seem basic in comparison, honestly. Wasn't a huge fan of the ending... technically you were fine but, although you took a little personal shot at your opponent which I love in topicals, it still fell flat and came off rather juvenile. Like, "my dad can beat up your dad" but in rhyme form lol. Obviously you know you're not winning this or you would've posted a lot more to match Lars but thanks for showing regardless and putting a quick, yet entertaining, effort forward. Vote: Diablo __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..