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Old 12-14-2022, 06:35 PM   #13
Ender
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Quill
I thought this was a fun, simple story. The opening lines were a good way to paint the picture. You set up the friendship and vibe in the first half to make the betrayal and shift in tone have more impact. You had some decent multis in your rhyme scheme. The flow seemed to be a little uneven to me in parts as I read it, but mostly pretty good. I did feel like it was a bit of a stretch connecting that picture to your story, given that they don't really look like hunting dogs to me and you didn't include the dogs in the story until the last few lines. But I think everyone's been guilty of stretching to connect a topic before!
In all, I liked it. A solid read.

Diablo
This piece had a much stronger connection to the picture given as the topic. The rhyme scheme also used a fair few multis, and used more assonance and inner rhymes. I did feel like some of the rhymes weren't the strongest though, with semi-rhymes only taking me so far. The story was alright. When you are writing from the perspective of animals, it can be a difficult line to tread as to how human you make them. For me, this piece went a bit too far into the making them human thing, which took me out of the story. Particularly the line about rumours and how people can be. Also, I would have liked more focus on the specific problems our main character had with the other dog.
In all, this was a solid piece of writing. Well done.

In terms of the mechanics of the pieces, I thought it was fairly close but Diablo probably edged that side of things for me. However I liked Quill's story a fair bit more, and since the mechanics were fairly close in my eyes, I have to go with the content that I found more engaging.

Vote - Quill
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