[symetrik]

-- cereal

To dream a dream with rocking robbin
Playing patter cake somberly throbbing
A little blonde knock kneed girl hop scotchen
With a boy pale blue as a lighthouse coughing
As sweet in the air fair black skin springs hot
"all days in the tree tops"
.."my momma said"

let's never use the word "throbbing" when the context is on kids lol
kinda grimey rhymes, which I like, edits eh.

One day i will be princess, i prince
I pull up my socks pastel green like my eyes
Rainbow bowties highlight her hair up right
Chewing rope licorice in kiss chasey
We're boy friend girl friend - child space cadets
We eat the same governed cheese coloured orange
Freckles are similar but muster honest

missed hard on some lines, I feel like there are missing words lol

we dream of character and four squares with snakes
time travel with frogs where tadpoles play.. carrot flowers and change
tarrot towers in place, cowards cower for state the lower class powers
shower the pages of chicken pox through hop scotch like ring around the rosie nosey smellng as bad as the desk wood that rots..

decent flow catching on here then fucked up near the end. this could have been a dope set of lines if you put some more thought into tying it together. "forms where tadpoles play" reminds me of some shit I've done.

we pounce through legs like nba guitar strings
scent from cement to stool with what laugh brings
ankles like marbles carple tunneled
cowboys and indians unlanding mumbles
tin coloured breath slides big as your head
grass soo long it appears through the cement
snow globe children in a jelly bean contest
tangled like free lanterns canceled in their protest

"with what the laugh brings" same. we like grimey rhymes. you'll be cool the more you practice. "grass so long it appears through cement" is the most cohesive line you have so far.

we wonder - talking politics and whats votes
whats in the library, are we all for show
legal by binding unbound unraveled
like scrabble, monopoly shockingly gaveled
by the knees that topple, pop as we both speak
soft lullybyes shy with water taps that peek
like watering holes, the lovelist taste ever
floating like a feather, a quill split before two
a feast for the mind pure air airated like what flew
still free of attachments children floating
soaking in the summer breeze of graphetti groping

decent flow here and there, but I'm not seeing things cohesive and I'm just seeing words used to rhyme. well, not quite - the main thing I'm seeing is you're writing things together and YOU see how they're tied cuz you've done the tying in your head, but you're not showing us that shit. show us that shit.

we keep pouncing pounding - drowning in each self
off the shelf - shocker exchanging pennies of wealth
pony tailed and braided, embroidered clothes shown
wrestling with interest like most people of our age
face to face, kiss for kiss we jump by the page
alone though surrounded by surroundings thrown
jitters and litter all dreams so bitter they glow
...
we drift through sand snow - always pondering "you never know"

yeah I don't get it, it's too all over the place, but I see it's an ending.


...

-- dope girl

The girls outside playing Double Dutch,
They start a dance called "Loop".
They Jump through the hoop,
They Jump and do their dance.
So, them other group don't stand a chance,
They jump on beats, They Double Dutch.
They Jump to "Can't be touch."
They show everyone how it done,
They jump and run.
They Jump Double Dutch on the Street,
They move their feet.
They are going hard,
Beef with them, they'll pull cards.
They don't care about competition,
They know they the Champion.
Them team talking smack,
They got each other back.
Mess with team, leave you in Endzone.
The girls jumping in Hot spot,
They Hanging outside, Jumping some hoops.
Everyone watch them Jump some loops.

keep writing, keep learning. not adequate for AWOL by a mile. good connection with topic, incredibly simplistic - lots of repetition but it didn't make it better. take your time when you vote on some of the battles here and break'em line by line (unlike what I did to yours, sorry) and honestly just off the top of your head write a sentence about what you liked. you'll improve quickly.

mvgt cereal by a lot, but only because of their opponent.