Interesting match. Both of you had imaginative takes on the topic, and thus check the creativity box. But from there universe starts to pull away in terms of the things I look for in a complete verse. His narrative was paced better, where as Scar's felt rushed. I also feel like he did more to make his characters & setting feel tangible, and that allowed me to connect more as a reader. Some of that can be credited to using established lore fore from Bioshock, but even without that, this was written in such a way that it feels like you made it your own. Immersive story telling. As far as flow & scheme work, I would have to lean Universe's way again. Really solid flow, and the scheme work had the intri***y to make this feel really polished.
Scar, this wasn't as polished as I have seen from you. Though, admittedly, that was years ago & on a different forum. So maybe rust is the culprit. That said, there are things I like about this. I feel like you had a creative idea, it just didn't feel very fleshed out. I feel like you started strong, establishing your setting & characters in what was your best section mechanically. But it definitely went down hill from the christmas movie dialogue. Flow suffered, and the quality of narration felt less refined, and the ending felt sort of phoned in. Hopefully I see you return to form in the coming weeks.
Vote - Universe
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