[symetrik]

@Frank, bet - dead with no-shows and demanding more work, but I guess I get it cuz it'll encourage more people to show if the votes are dope. catch 22?

Universe -

This deep dive's in baby steps, I'm not the type to straight confess
I saved a letter that said, 'Bring us the girl and wipe away the debt'
I didn't want to take the credit for when I swiped the dame and yet...
Until my pay's collected, she'll wait by my side with bated breath

flow from line 1 to line 2 falls off, weak.
same with 3 to 4, this could have flowed a lot smoother.
interested imagery, first line seems to be both "I'm not gonna confess to what I did", but also low key about the way Universe writes - seems to take it line by line and go into a pretty deep dive, baby steps, no quick confession.
"swiped the dame", but then later says she's under ten or at least those two are connected to me, seems odd wording for a kid.

Attached at the hip like bayonets, I kidnapped Anna to make amends
If we're making honest statements she never even saw the age of ten...
Final arrangements left me debating if I would wake up dead
Laid to rest in the wide array of sixty foot tidal waves ahead

very aquatic, sea imagery which I don't feel connected to the topic - but I guess I dunno if there's something I'm missing, with the BioShock video reference at the end. never played, sue me - I'd rather the topic be the topic and that knowledge beyond isn't required, if this or the whole piece is something to play off that.
I don't understand Anna being attached at the hip, y'all were tight friends before she got kidnapped? did she die? raises questions, doesn't make clear statements.
better flow.

I'm dropping sail again, hearing radio commercials in the breeze
I near a Bathysphere to leave - A spherical submersible machine
In a lighthouse off the coast of Greenland, some sunken alien crashed ship
The shuttle made it to Rapture amongst other subterranean factions

again water water water. you've done okay holding to this partial theme but it's not connecting for me. I liked line 2, a nod to the reader, a "hey this is a cool word I wanted to use, so here's the definition" without really breaking the flow or the belief.
"sunken alien crashed ship" reads difficult, playing with the order of words can be a nightmare and this one didn't land, though I do understand what we're talking about.
escaping into some underground factions? underwater? underground? what are we doing here.

Subtly displaying ads - Anna's the mainline attraction
Regularly asking about the location of dead angels and ADAM
She opened tears in the fabric of spacetime yet could never go
It's then I chose powers called plasmids to rewrite my genetic code
I suppose the object of my affection was a childish ghost
Needing a symbiotic interaction, the girl was the only viable host

more BioShock stuff, starting to get the idea that Anna isn't dead because of the writer even though he takes responsibility (but doesn't seem to want to confess that he feels responsible?), this could be more clear. your stuff can be deep but when where clarity presents a clear read, and interpretations presents a personal read, this requires a reread to unpuzzle a puzzle and I don't feel a connection.

A genetically enhanced isotope; Tetrahedron triangles disguised
Now I can prove she's alive, everything science claimed to deny...
Replicate and survive; I preserve all armored diving suits I find
Organs sliced and groomed then spliced into the giant brute inside

BioShock? *shrugs*

Fontaine's Orphanage was the buyer, the meeting seemed prearranged
As mutated goons made their move I was immediately enraged
I engaged and slayed these eaters of offspring like the genophage
Took center stage, relieved the mob seemingly didn't have their weapons aimed
Stray bullets never pierced my metal, taking shots was a test of will
I gripped a heavy drill and pressed the hilt until all intestines spilled
Screams intense and shrill, filling an EVE kit is a bitter pill
Incinerate, Electrocute... unleash Telekinesis and Winter Chill!
Like ink from tentacles, limbs in receptacles limit the spectacle
My mind state was like the vibration behind a quivering reticle

I think there's a character in the game that's a big brute with a drill, decent connection, decent flow, but again this is heavily reliant on the reader being a BioShock fan/knowledgeable at least.

Industry professionals guessed interest in the debt would rise
1959... the end is nigh in this fucked up head of mine
To Anna's surprise we managed to thrive; There's no talking directly
She just skipped along incessantly, "Daddy will always protect me..."

Sorry I let you down.

I like the ending, in general - kid skipping along, always feeling like her paternal connection will protect her (or hopefully feeling like that), shit like that. didn't get the first two lines, so I suspect it's BioShock stuff.

... on to the next part, I wonder if this is BioShock too?

Nightmares tolerate a crawling pace, yet I was shocked awake
The ominous depths of my consciousness replaced with an office space
In awful pain, my body aches... A nearby fan just oscillates...
Jostling a locked and framed 'Private Investigator' badge that's on display

ah god damnit is this about Booker? I literally had to read a wikipage for this shit. I like the imagery, the pacing of this, the idea of the fan's air being enough to tap tap tap the framed badge on the wall because it's poorly hung.

Ignoring chalkboard dates and evidence of what's scrawled across the way...
On that building... A haunting phrase now washed away by lots of rain
My daughter stayed oddly complacent while a Songbird played
Her crib rocking from small earthquakes - An uncanny valley with tall terrain

Songbird, yup. you're a tit. not sure I get this part, maybe it's a future vibe, kid is dead, don't get the last line.

It's all a game... Who paused my save in the trauma stage?
If laws can break, my heart's encased in chain linking armored plates
Up here I'm far from safe even with combinations to dull the pain
Anna is a toy, not to be played with - A reborn doll her late momma made...

this part holds my two favourite lines "heart's encased in chain linking armored plates", and "Anna is a toy, not to be played with" - not sure if that "not" is a nod to the "!", but programmatically "!" negates the following statement. the "safe/combinations" was cool too.

A KNOCK erased all the traces of cobwebs crowding atop my brain
I wandered to the door knob, rotating what's been unlocked for days
An old man leaned on a cane, shoddy posture/gait was commonplace
"Comstock's the name..." He exclaimed as he extended a palm to shake

"A KNOCK" is hard to read, I yell the "A" too. decent flow here, no complaints. accidentally rhymed sorry.

"I thought you may want to locate someone that was lost with haste"
I respond, "Okay, but if it's not too late I'll sit and contemplate"
Comstock's unfazed, "I didn't come all this way to watch you lob grenades"
"We must find this fallen angel... I'll compensate should you want the case..." (I nodded)
"Great! But you can no longer claim to hold the prophet's gaze"
"You're not absolved from flawed remains that shouldered all the blame"
"I know you were taught to create a world where all your thoughts escape"
"But you're not shipshape, hence why your daughter's fate was met on a lake..."
"Best not to stray..." He walked away before I questioned his knowledge base
Guess long delays grandfather in what only God can say...
Anna starts bawling, strange... she's made of vinyl plank and water paint...
A doppelganger? Think I'll go check on my baby if it's all the same...

Anna, is that you?

again, this seems like a lot of BioShock nods probably? it doesn't connect well bc I don't know the game, but I get the idea that there's a doll or something that looks like the kid, blah blah, is she alive? weak ending.

--- Scar

T’was the night before christmas and all through town
cocoas and teas were stirring with myrrh scented
Down
On the west end of town shrouded in snow was Joe’s Diner
An oasis from the cold, where lonely souls go to be found

good flow, I like the spacing of "Down", though I think "down and down" would have worked just as well if not better for flow. good imagery, I know where I am, I know what it smells like and what I feel like

It’s a slow night. The storm outside rages as joe, tend to the stew
On the other side of the counter, an attractive woman not shy of vanilla scented perfume
Sitting in a booth right behind her, a grizzled gentlemen in tattered pea coat
Graciously slurping tomato soup all to the score of O'Tannenbaum three notes

flow slipped a bit, some lines could be shorter to land it. not sure I'm understanding "three notes" here other than a needed rhyme lol. coulda played a fucking GAME here and said "O'Tannenbaum's notes" bc it translates to "o' Christmas tree's notes" and it would FUCKING RHYME. missed out.

The tree glowed an ambiance of haven from the hellish storm, it was homely
As snow creeps, the doorbell jingled a new arrival; One more for the lonely

He made his way to the counter, situating himself next to the woman
“Is this taken?” he signaled to the emtpy stool next to her
“No” she smiled.
“You lied!” as he sat down. “It is taken!”

I get the "hellish" now that I've read the piece but it takes away from the vibe. good flow, I fucking hate the cheesy "you lied, it is taken" so I already hate this guy, but it's chill.

A nervous laughter broke as she gauge his deed
He was handsome; Too handsome to be out on Christmas Eve.
“I’m Corey”, he said, smiling “thanks for sitting next to me”

"I'm Anna, Do you always go around hitting on strangers?”
“Hey blame it on my palm reader. He said, ‘Christmas evening, your future awaits ya’
Who am i to go against the rule of fate, huh?,
they shared a laugh

good place setting, introducing the energy of the characters, etc. no complains

The grizzled man behind them observed the couple
Smirking with every bad line the man chuckled
Slurping his soup and hunk of bread, he intently studied the interloper.
He’s quite the joker, charming as expected.
A conversationalist, suaved in his method.

something about "suave in his method" irks me, but I like the sort of camera pan out to the old man.

“Ok”, said Corey, to the young lady, your favorite Christmas Movie.
“Umm” “A Christmas story,”, she replied.
“Oh you’re the violent type, you enjoyed it when Ralph shot out his eyes”
“We’ll, you know that never happened”. It was a sensationalized message of the movie.
“It could have.”
“Are you saying it’s a cautionary tale?”
“Yes I am, ma’am.
“Ok, your turn. Favorite Christmas Movie and why?”
"Nosferatu"
At this the man in the booth chuckled drawing the attention of the couple.
“Huh? continue on”
think about it, supernatural figure creeping around at night with a weird fascination with home.."
“i mean i guess”

honestly, bc I was weirded out by this dude already, I honestly read "Are you saying it's a cautionary tale" "Yes I am, ma'am", as if the dude was saying "Yes, I am a cautionary tale", not sure if intentional. I like the attention to the old man but it could have been executed much better.

He was sweet she thought to herself, at that instance a text message arrived
“Are you still coming tonight?”
It was her friend Nancy reminding her that the office holiday shindigs done started
She turned to him, and ask if he would accompanied her to her office party

“Are you asking me on a date, miss?”
“It depends” she countered.”
Grabbing their pea coats, they left a tip
on the counter before Their exits,
Out the door and jovially marched into the storm.
The grizzled man, still studying the couple, grab his coat and followed out the door.

nothing much to say, decent imagery, keeps the story moving forward, missed some flow here tho.

They traveled from holiday blitzed wonderland to a darkened alley.
Suddenly he took her by her waist and whispered, “look at me”
She stared into his eyes. It appeared dreamy.
She was literally walking on air it seems
Brought back to a time of cinnamon, nutmeg and hot chocolate drinks.
He moved his head closer to her face. A dollop of kisses
It was nice she thought, he made his mouth south to her neck.
Kissing and lightly biting it. Hands on her breast,

continuation of the "oh shit he's creepy oh wait it's okay", which is good work imo

She felt a sudden change
Snapped out of her trance, dazed, felt her neck. Her fingers, slender branch of bloodied pain

she quickly pushed him off. His mouth gaped wide revealing a long set of fangs.
Fretting her hand she fought for control, he was strong
She screamed and struggled to push him off.

back to "oh SHIT HE'S CREEPY", as soon as you said "neck" last part I knew where it was going, but it did sneak up on me.

As he opened his mouth wider, she saw a glowing hand
Wrapping itself around the Corey's neck, like a golden band
It lifted Corey about 8 foot in the air, violently pulling him off the frightened girl
She caught a glimpse of the person choking Corey,
It was the grizzled man from Joe's diner.
He looked unnatural, a yellow glow enveloped his body, and he was sparkling!
As he pulled Corey away, she can see something sprouting.
A large bat wing. Struggling to free himself from the clutch of the man’s hand.
At that moment, the man also sprouted a golden wing. He looked at Corey and drug him up into the night sky.

She sat there in pain and tears. Just as a hobo entered the clear.
You’re lucky dear, for the spirit is nearing birth
Every Christmas Eve the lord sends his Seraphim to clean the earth.

I couldn't. this feels like it was written by a teenage like fanfic author. "He was sparkling!", various wings, though I like the attempt to cleanly wrap up.

mvgt universe still even though I don't know bioshock.