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Old 06-24-2013, 03:28 PM   #13
Mike Wrecka
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,591
Battle Record: 29-25


Champed
- Writing Challenge League I

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ya this was a dope battle. two very different verses. but in the end it was close.

red glare- I thought your take on the topic was rather brilliant tbh. your format looks ugly if that makes any sense. but it reads quite beautifully. you had the perfect vibe and cadence, I really envisioned a remote mountainous village with some monk doctor guy healing people. all very calming, and your verse read in a very calm matter. I enjoyed it. the broken up stanzas in some spots slightly hurt it but in some other spots really moved the story along bringing things full circle. that last stanza you changed the tone of the piece in a way that didn't suit it.

Then pokes a hole in the skin like Halloween, sheets, ghosts, goblins and RAAGhH!
The shock, of the electrical impulse causes the meter-to-teeter-totter-and-wobb

I hated that line. seemed very out of place. the rest was A plus


zygote = a sick verse. the way it was constructed was next level. the structure top notch. flowed very smoothly. impressive. but that being said, I didn't connect with the piece like I did Reds, and you used a lot of techno and science babble that went way over my head. felt like I was in a quantum physics class and that's not good. if it wasn't for the incredible flow and excellent end rhymes it would have been tough to get through. but you made it readable. even though it was boring. im a big fan of your verses but this round

vote- Red Glare
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