This wasn’t the best I’ve read from either of you, not to say it was terrible but I just didn’t feel like the effort was really there. This has been a very long season and I can tell it’s wearing everyone involved down, glad we’re in the final stretch.
Eviction, I actually preferred your concept of the two available but unfortunately I don’t think the writing that you do is built for storytelling. It just feels so nonlinear and scattered to me, I think since you lack that ability you should lean more into what you’re good at, which is emotionally driven work. There were some emotions here but I think you really could have brought the grieving parents more alive. I think you’ve made incredible leaps as a writer this season and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you.
Frank, at this point I’m not even sure if you’re human or rather an intelligent form of AI who is fed lines of codes and rhyme schemes and just spits out a narrative. Most of your verses read the same, they’re almost carbon copies, and you rarely take chances. But I love how you always tell an original narrative and you’re always usually consistent to where even your alliteration is a gift. But I digress. I liked your take on this and especially liked the brutal ending and how there was kind of a moral to it? Think I liked Evictions topic better but you had the better verse hands down.
V/Frank
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