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Pharaohs Army · 08-12-2022, 02:13 AM

One time in my life on my first recording ever, with cheap bad equipment.

I've progressed since then, as you've heard.

Regarding this piece, I think the beggining is very strong and smooth but it regresses a bit from then on, the hook being a bit trite, etc. IMO.

That being said, it doesn't suck. It's better than a bunch of open mics.
I think the writer is a good rhymer and will improve in the flow department with future pieces. By that I mean there are smooth areas, but then one clunky word or line can break up the flow in some spots.

Probably the most common subject matter which may have affected my post here.
Not saying you can't write about love and heartbreak, but it has to be engaging and creative.
Not taking anything away from the author, he could probably criticize me for writing about drugs.

Good potential
Cause I'm fucked in my head, can't get up from my bed
Simple smooth rhymes such as this can be the foundation for a good piece
I'd prefer if this line was in the hook area.

Any other questions or concerns @Packistani Grandstanding?

08-12-2022, 02:13 AM	#5
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	One time in my life on my first recording ever, with cheap bad equipment. I've progressed since then, as you've heard. Regarding this piece, I think the beggining is very strong and smooth but it regresses a bit from then on, the hook being a bit trite, etc. IMO. That being said, it doesn't suck. It's better than a bunch of open mics. I think the writer is a good rhymer and will improve in the flow department with future pieces. By that I mean there are smooth areas, but then one clunky word or line can break up the flow in some spots. Probably the most common subject matter which may have affected my post here. Not saying you can't write about love and heartbreak, but it has to be engaging and creative. Not taking anything away from the author, he could probably criticize me for writing about drugs. Good potential Cause I'm fucked in my head, can't get up from my bed Simple smooth rhymes such as this can be the foundation for a good piece I'd prefer if this line was in the hook area. Any other questions or concerns @Packistani Grandstanding? Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 08-12-2022 at 02:20 AM.