Hal0:
In terms of narrative this is probably the best storyline you’ve written in this league, the concept isn’t foreign, homicide detective turns out to be serial killer is a trope in its own right but I like how you described the decaying mindstate of somebody trying to live a double life and the big toll it takes on them. When I first saw the title “3:16 and the character John, I thought you were going to try a biblical spin on the topic but it’s all good. The massive weight he was holding up finally caught up to him, and that was poetic justice. Think you sacrificed a lot of your usual multies and flow for a more concise story, I think if you can put what you did this week and what you’ve done previously together you could be a real threat competitively.
Frank:
Haha this was kind on the nose my brotha but was also a good take, I feel like there’s a lot of filler in your verses, you kind of run us in circles and buy yourself time for the ending, it’s like on that Simpsons episode when Millhouse says “when are they going to get to the fireworks factory?!” Lol I keep waiting for the bang because it’s coming. I like how you shifted perspectives from like coworkers and the boss, customers and Billie himself, it was kind of jarring but creative too. Obviously you’re a very skilled writer, and your story’s are told well, you do a great job of painting the scene and making your characters human, while it’s probably against all logicality to kill your boss I’m sure everyone’s been in Billie’s shoes (no pun intended) don’t think this was your best verse but was more than enough to win
Consensus: Hal0 improved his storytelling this week but didn’t do great in other departments, Frank was the whole package. He gets the W. Great battle
V/Frank
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