[Rawn MD]

Hal0 - This verse was better than the last one I had read from you. I enjoyed what you did with your story too. The one thing I will say in comparing it to the other verse I had read from you was your flow was more off and on here than the other. Maybe you had tried to deliver more story o. Your lines because your opponent I don’t know, but the flow did really suffer in places. Plus, although I absolutely love the use of slant or unorthodox rhyme schemes, the way you utilized them felt like they were misplaced like either they just didn’t fit correctly, or the internals were not strong enough to carry them through. I also felt like you went way overboard with your writing, and it hurt the story in places making it seem more long-winded, rather than more action packed and captivating, which you could have truly made this given your direction on the topic. I liked the direction a lot, but I felt you could have taken like 2 paragraphs out of the whole and your verse would have been the better for it. Just my thoughts.

Frank - I started reading your verse and I was like fucking names and food… he better do something with all this bullshit I am reading… and well you did. Your flow was probably the weakest I’ve seen it though, and your lucky Halo had a similar difficulty there, bc well your flow was better than his even though both were tough at some parts to me. But with all the food talk and descriptions of some fat guy eating and eating I could picture him like slamming his fists in anger and contemplation with food particles being spit out his mouth as he complained… so your adjectives did you good here… it was pretty vivid… and your build up to your ending was done well too. The verse was just descriptive enough to keep the reader engaged to bring them to a climatic ending which brought things all into view… plus you foreshadowed it a little bit with the conflict between the boss/manager.

Overall both of your flows were either on or off… franks was just on way more than Halo’s, Halo had a good verse, but it was just to long, and the lines didn’t hold enough content to engage the reader, me, to want to know what’s next, or continue reading… while Franks were just descriptive enough to draw a picture and keep me engaged. Both approached the topic in a dope direction I just felt Halo could have done way more with his approach and in less amount of words… while franks was succinct enough to bring it to an ending that wrapped everything up well. Both came pretty dope, Frank just out did it with his verse being more vivid and engaging.

Vote - Frank