Alright I finally did it, I sat down and read both of these verses. So first off fuck you both for not only writing 150+ bars, but also fuck you for writing great verses on both sides. In battles like these there are going to be the expected lines of filler/padding but I think you both only did so in very tiny amounts. I don’t really have a criteria like some of these guys when I judge a battle, I read and I tell you what I am a fan of/not a fan of and then tell you in my personal opinion who I think the winner is. So let’s dig in, don’t expect a Harvard graduate paper, but expect my feelings to be expressed very clearly.
Uni:
This seems to be your bread and butter, I was very happy to see you accept this battle, I know the line limit rules haven’t really benefited your writing style and you’ve sat out most of the season, but it’s good to see you hop into these special matches. For the most part I really liked your verse, I liked the way you humanized the relationship between Ron/Nicole because when you look at the case at face value it’s easy to shrug it off as an “affair” but the way you painted passion and almost romanticized these two as a couple was nice, I mean it made me feel good lol. Frank is wrong I think your opening bars are important, I think you paint a scene like little others do in the medium. You pay attention to small details, you lay out the environment in a way that your reader is right there living out the scene, whether it be the restaurant, outside the Browns’ residence etc. I was sort of spoiled on this verse being about Ron Goldman because when I had skimmed through before I read I saw the wiki link, so I can’t tell you if it was a good reveal or not. I think it could have waited longer to be revealed, but I also liked the way you pulled the rug out from underneath your reader and turned this into an alternate reality. You turned Ron Goldman into an Eddie Munson type character (stranger things anyone?) where he is sort of a hero, but can’t really go back to his life because he’ll be blamed for murders that weren’t exclusively his doing. I really liked the fight/murder scene it was really well played out, and yeah seeing (well reading) Ron Goldman getting back up was like watching an old wrestling match, was a dope turn of events. I think your last stanza and the end of the one before it, you stalled a little, I think we could have reached the conclusion a little faster that’s the only piece of the verse I felt was sort of padded. Also you suffered from a few maybe too on the nose puns that are part of the Universe experience. A line that really stood out to me was definitely
“ Standing up in the bathtub I arose all bloody and gross
Abundantly cloaked, even Mahatma Gandhi had a Ted Bundy in tow”
Overall a pretty good verse like I said I liked mostly everything until some of the ending segments, they felt dragged out and maybe even inconsequential? But maybe that’s just me
NYCSPITZ:
First of all, it was weird seeing you use Universe’s usual layout, I know he doesn’t own the patent on it or anything it was just different to see your verse structured in this manner. Felt like the way Joe Hill broke up “Horns” or something. Anyways that doesn’t take anything away or add anything to the verse just wanted to comment on this.
The feel of this was 1980s Sci-fi. I mean in the vein of something like Terminator/Robocop/Demolition Man so there was definitely a nostalgia factor (not for me because I wasn’t around until ‘95 lol) I liked the concept well enough, a tale as old as time, Russia wants to dominate the world (or solar system, sometimes the specs are different but the goal is the same) always some dictator type who is insane and builds a weapon he can’t control etc. despite some of the stereotypes here it was a well written piece. Anton put me in the mind of Ultron, even though he was more Cap America I guess. Anyways, I like how the plot sort of evolved into a creator vs creation battle, they played mental chess for awhile, but it was interesting to see them try and outwit each other, but in a way that didn’t feel super boring. And then in true super villain fashion when the battle goes down Sergachev pulls out the “fuck it, I’m just going to blow up the world if I can’t win” nothing says maniac like destroying the earth when you can’t win a fight. The biggest did appointment of this verse for me was that Sergachev built a prototype for a new super soldier and it’s just immediately destroyed by a giant blast lol I think I would have liked to see those two go at it, but that’s my only complaint story wise. Plus the ending was okay but sort of weird, not the true ending on Andromeda but the scene with Anton draining his victim’s blood into a tub and bathing in it. Like it made no sense to me why he would do that? I get it he’s “crazy” but it just felt like a weird way to make contact with the topic, like that was an afterthought to you. Anyways like I said those were my biggest complaints, I know you love when we complain about verses so there take that.
Overall this was a great battle and I think (as with most topical battles not involving Sinacog) it comes down to personal preferences. I think NYC told a little bit more vast of a story with a little bit of less lines. I hate voting against Uni because I know he pours his heart and soul into every verse but I just enjoyed Spitz narrative and verse more this week personally. You guys are two of the dopest writers on this site, don’t forget that.
V/NYC
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