Alright gentlemen this was a hell of a battle to say the least. It was a long read but I enjoyed it through and through. I’ll try to be brief but also give a pretty clear indication of what I thought and who I thought won.
Soulé -
Fun verse here man. Had some dope action scenes and imagery had hints of like anime inspiration though I guess the topic photo has some clear Asian influence. Really liked it, kind of threw me off a bit in the beginning when you were rhyming every other bar and then switched to rhyming every line, it was a bit of a bumpy transition. No matter, I thought the storyline was super smooth and made for a good read. I found it to be engaging, though you lost me towards the end a little. There was a lot happening so it was hard to keep up with, that being said I didn’t really like the climax because of that. It was just kind of dropped on us, especially the last two bars I didn’t really dig. Just seemed like an meh conclusion for a piece littered with excellent imagery and story but maybe it was just me. It was a nice piece other than that though.
dead man -
I thought you we’re definitely out of your element here. You did well I mean the great use of language was there, the amazing flow, the cool visuals and the way you string your words together you can say so much with just one line. I don’t think you fit here though. It’s not a matter of being “rusty” or dropping a bad verse, it simply comes down to the type of writing you do which is more personal, more confined, you like to tell stories around people, and I don’t think you really did that here. You captured a cool little snapshot of the fall of humanity and that sort of thing but like I said you were really out of your element, your opponents told grandiose adventure stories and yours paled in comparison this week. But major kudos for stepping in on short notice and taking on the challenge. This will not tarnish your legacy as one of the GOATs
Frank -
Let’s get my issues with your writing out of the way first even though from what I seen Universe grilled you pretty hard.
The capitalizing every word thing kind of hurts my head, I literally remember writing this way my freshman year of high school. Not every word needs a capital, it’s odd it makes my eyes feel violated.
Also don’t like some of your word choices, especially descriptive words. “Giantly” feels odd and others like it, they’re not exactly incorrect they just feel forced like you were on rhymezone picking them out exclusively to fit line by line.
That being said the progression of your story was great, though at times I felt the switch from one scene to the next was kind of sudden? You didn’t linger anywhere too long. You trekked countries in literal seconds. But other than that I liked the concept of this great adventurer and his elephant going from battle to battle, and journeying across the world. This would make an awesome movie in my opinion . Very cinematic. And the ending of your verse was better than Soulé’s IMO, even though I thought the wording was shaky at times and kind of confusing towards the end but the ending was great I really enjoyed it being tied together with the “elephant never forgets” line. Was wonderful.
In my opinion this just came down to the ending for me, it was really close but I will take Frank here. He came just a little bit better and was more engaging. Great job.
V/Frank
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