[dead man]

For Gabriel


i wish i could reach you
in some way or another
you left me here in care
of both your sister and mother
and i promise i'm trying. but its a fucking disaster
their whole life now is "before and after"
stupid bastard
pressed pills and alcohol you're Pontiac whippin
insomniac addicted to a thousand prescriptions
business graduate, christian nigerian-american, gifted. slash
another fiend fixing out by Erie and Michigan
your bicycle is fixie and your history checkered
running into bathrooms like yo gimme a second
adderall and valium and oxy and cut
read your texts and everybody's last name was "plug"
goddamn it you suck
you could have been my brother if you waited around
made them proud instead of breaking them down.
they're fucking lost. pacing the balcony
wailing praying out loud, shaking sobbing laid on the ground
you created space for all your family ties to unwind
dude. EVERYBODY BLAMES THEMSELVES for letting you die
stupid fuck. i could have loved you.
thats the part that i hate
you stole a hundred people's hearts away the moment you faded
hey
i spent the next morning scrubbing mucous and blood
out of your rug with Shout and a sponge. thank you so much
you fucking dunce.
Grace has cried like 60 days in a row
screaming why did you decide to leave them alone? ok
she knows it was an accident but seriously, Seun
you were EVERYTHING to them and you abandoned them both
Kobe fanatic, Laker jerseys polo jordans, sunglasses
you saw yourself as an artist who never mastered his craft
copped a keyboard since Mac Miller made you try to produce
guess you loved him enough to want to die like him, too
she found you there. pants at your ankles
face-down, 3 days decayed, dancing with angels
i have to say
i know i WOULD have loved you, but i hate you
so ungrateful. sacrificed her life to let you exist
now you're cursing out your mom between your fentanyl trips
we watched them dig your grave. watched them lower you down
freezing rainfall everybody threw a rose at the ground
we never even met and yet you changed me forever
if i marry your sister i hope you stay after dinner
and listen to their stories of you, their laughter and tears
watch it soften over years into nostalgic endearment
i wish i knew you.
either way, i'll hold them down while i can
the least i can do is promise you that. honestly, man
it's almost like
you can't be gone
but you can





dm