[Dominate]

Sorry to see you guys have gotten ZERO feedback/votes so far. Anyone who participated this week should vote on this. Shame. Shame on all of you.



Mike: I liked the drip-drip of tangible details amidst the #feelings bars, by the end I had a clear sense of the narrative. Not super original/creative but not bad either, it fit the topic well enough. The rhyme schemes were good in terms of mechanics but a lot of the multis were kinda forced - awkward/unnatural wording and some instances of just plain bad writing ("feel boxed in like I'm... in a box" lol come on). That said there were some good turns of phrase in there too - I liked "I’m no longer here ,you can leave a message". You've written better but this was OK.

Timeless: I liked your idea on the topic a little more - are we seeing weakness or strength in the pic? Is the weight bearing down on the person or is the person lifting it up? That was cool. You had some good bars like the opener, but also a lot of strange similes/metaphors that I didn't hate because they were kind of interesting, but I didn't really "get" what you were trying to say in them either, and that happened in most of your bars. A prime example would be "fate is like a drunk guy on hold for minutes." The follow up bar was amusing, but what does it mean? I really liked "I must persevere...I've done less with luck and worse with fear.".


Overall I think Timeless was more creative both in terms of take on the topic and the writing itself, but I'm more drawn to verses I can just read and understand easily/fully, rather than a verse full of more abstract lines that I have to do the work of ascribing meaning to.

Voting for Mike.