Dominate
Stellar take, mate. Was quite amused by this manipulative approach. The annoying infomercial set up was spot on. The last segment had this iffy area, for me, though, that kind of killed off the characters untrustworthy trustfulness -
Quote:
Give a BIG NO to the big nose that flusters and hinders you
REFUSE to put up with a bust that is miniscule
A perky pair is POSSIBLE - more than you ever knew
You CAN achieve fullness and front facing nipples too
So pick up the phone and bid that uninspired chest adieu
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This was a pivotal point in the piece that called for a bit more "Persuasive Salesmanship." What I mean by that is... I just didn't feel compelled or convinced enough, to allow, The Wife to get her plastic surgery done by you. I felt like this part of your pitch just didn't quite capitalize on the creepy and snarky charm you opened up with. I think that more "negging" would've worked here. Such as, instead of referring to Big Nose as "flustering and hindering" referring to it as "Unbecoming." I loved "The Breast In You", But, could've packed more oomph by really tightening it up a bit. I also didn't like "Giant Pumpkin." Too specific a visual/description to use just for the sake of rhyming. That image kind of jarred me because the image is quite the opposite. Also, "Be Bold Be Daring" didn't really sell me. It definitely describes your creative approach to this concept, but it just didn't sound truly authentic, or in the right context. Aside from that, I liked the ending and everything else about it. I just feel that the things I mentioned held this particular verse back from being something special.
Master Rock
Vulnerable, quaint, solid characterization. I'm not familiar with your work, so, I'm not too keen on whether this narrative style is more your forte, or, if last weeks abstract take is more up your alley, for me, to really decipher or form an opinion at this particular time. I think with the right means, you probably could've really fleshed this piece out and really tugged at the heart strings more. I preferred this direction more-so, given the topic. It was simple. In the future, prioritize more time for your craft, man! I liked this
Quote:
I shook my head at this delicate beauty
"Just let me bring you flowers, I know you bruise easy."
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MVGT Dominate
If it weren't for the time constraints or doing just the bare minimum, who knows. At least the Championship Battle wasn't a no-show, which is really commendable.