[NYCSPITZ]

Cool battle here fellas -

I liked adverse’s flip on the perspective of a dictionary, it was cool for what it was I guess, but tbh I was hoping for a verse based on “provincial”. Maybe a battle between david and goliath, like a provincial town standing up to a larger one, or a character analysis on the provincialism of some country bumpkin who ascends to another level, or does some cool shit despite his country-ness. It’s not really too hard to google it if you’re not familiar and find permutations of the word used in blogs, stories, novels etc. So, for adverse despite the cool flip and verse I thought the connection to topic was not really there, almost a throaway verse you could’ve used with any word you weren’t familiar with.

For eviction I liked the verse and reference to myself (touche, brah), decent verse. Cool in places, even. My issue was even in the sections you quoted, the verse read the same way, like observation after observation which starts to sound like you’re droning on and on after 10-20 lines max. You gotta convey information through action, thoughts, implication, nuance. Need to mix it up a bit more and add some flair a la deadman or someone like that, vulgar, certain…read up on a few legends and see which resonates and try adding a few of their elements to your verses, I think it will take you to another level. You have potential to ascend and be a problem after that imo

Liked dom’s verse the best, at least the town with the hunter guy and the hoe he seduces is like, provincial or whatever. Last line of her singing the line was cool, tied in the topic better than the others. Aside from that the command of language, imagery, pacing, grammar, most aspects of topicals were clearly a step above the other two in dom’s verse. Some dope lines like je ne sais quois and cereulean blue leading us to nostalgic reveries of crayons from our elementary days. Cool story and a nice departure from all the endless narration (though I enjoyed parts of it) from the other two. I want to read a slick narration with fireworks and display of depth/mechanics/flow/slant rhymes/philosophy/religion/metaphysics/life etc. if it’s gonna be a non-story verse. I don’t wanna be reading topicals and feel like I’m watching the discovery channel narrate about the serengetti.

For the above reasons I am gonna have to go with dominate. Cool battle and best of luck in the season my fellow manpoem brothers.