[Frank]

brokenhal0

Gripping write-up about a psych ward like mental patient on the loose creating chaos. I wanted to know more about the Two Lesbians. (maybe one gives brain.) I was left wondering about them and as to why there weren't more specific details about them? (maybe they use the neutralizing devices on there pussy after they beam your brain with it). Maybe the shock waves send pulsations through them instead, that make them crave a penis inside them? Either way, these Lesbian Nurses needed more play/involvement/character build up, because they weren't just Nurses, these was "Lesbian Nurses."
In all seriousness, this critique would be totally irrelevant, if it weren't for you peaking my interest, as some voyeur of Lesbian smut. You kind-of sort-of left us hanging out to dry, by not disclosing more information about them!
Once I got passed those lesbians, I thought the flow was on point. I did notice that you dialed it down this week and zeroed in on a more linear submission (without too many detours/distractions).
I liked these couplets

the smell of balloons and hamburgers over the open air surface
by the frozen yogurt truck shoppers ran for cover holding their sodas

I wake up strapped to a bed feel like I got whacked in the head
back from the dead in a abandoned warehouse a mad scientist
questions my where bout's out for hour's feeling like a dreary cloud
he puts a flashlight in my eyes and repeats can you hear me now

I see you chose to completely void your verses of punctuation. I believe this style worked for you, because of the overall premise. I thought that having zero commas and no punctuation marks added some authenticity and believability to this haywire story line. The overall execution was alright, just not that original. Just a typical, straight forward mindless zombie type.
I would've been more interested if you would've explored the Lesbian Nurses more and went with it more in that direction. As it stands now, there really is no reason to continue your story, unless you can somehow make it more about the Lesbian Nurses.

Master Rock

Abstract. Reminded me a bit of somewhat of a etch-a-sketch approach? You described a thought pattern, in a perplexing manner. As I leisurely read it, I found it rather intriguing that I couldn't decipher it clearly or fully comprehend what was being written. And I found that interesting because of how this sense pertained to the topic. It was challenging to get through coherently. Very unorthodox. I couldn't really understand what was being conveyed, on a surface level, but I understood where you were coming from, from an abstract viewpoint. Some highlights for me were

fluids flushing through the snip of silver cord
spinal tap, astral trip
jolted wide awake out of the window gazing into the dip of black-eyed children in an endless field full of corn

Strike the battle ax at halo's shattered, that's for the fall of man
scorned stomped to the ground out of heaven bolts the lightning
warned of my hail chaos in this astronomical storm

Close conflict. I really had trouble deciding. I found it odd that both verses talked about CORN?

The deciding factor was: I couldn't really get one of the verses, and I ultimately felt more of a need to "brain storm" to try and figure it out.

MVGT Master Rock