[Objective]

@Frank: Now that I can speak more. The stuff in italics was the character reminiscing/thinking, me mentioning it as style points is me basically saying that it shouldn't be needed. What wasn't in italic is present time. There's 3 stories going on, basically. Present time (stamding at the pier considering suicide and eventually coming home), thinking/reminiscing about life/what made the character decide against suicide and the time in Dahab. I should have exchanged the stuff you felt was filler to highlight this in some way instead. Should also have spent the opening couplet to highlight where I was, that would have taken away the confusion with Norwegian Ocean/Dahab. In short: I should have spent more time on it overall, which I should have done with basically all my verses so far this league.


Edit: Thanks a lot for feedback/votes, they have been incredibly good all over the board so far this league with exception of a few. I need to get my shit together.