[Universe]

Eviction:

This is right on par with I expected from you, which is generally a good thing. Technically sound, cool flow and multi's that lead you down a path... I really think you follow your words to where they lead, without as much 'interruption' that I'm used seeing from a topical writer. This is both good and bad.

It's good because it's impressive to see. Your technique shines and you can drop some really dope rhyme schemes.

It's bad because the narrative takes a hit. You should always be in control, dropping breadcrumbs for the reader as to what's to come. You should know the ending before you start.

That said, you did better here. I kinda/sorta followed the story and it was kind of cool up until that weird af ending about vulture feces which, quite frankly, cheapened everything that came before it. Which is a shame because there was some real depth to be found here.

But overall, solid stuff dude. Enjoyed it.

Please try to vote more.


Dominate:

There was a simplicity here that I really enjoyed. This was by far your most direct approach to a topic and you brought all your usual abilities - Flow (probably the best in the league) wording (clear as day) and just the general skill to really connect with the reader. So I appreciate all that and think it takes immense talent to pull all that off.

BUT...

This was as surface as surface gets in terms of narrative. It just felt like I was reading an introduction to an epic piece... which then just ended. It told a basic story of a drunk and the stages the goes through; and although told expertly, it just seemed like so much more could've been done here.

I mean, I did enjoy the 5 years ago, 5 months ago... time build up toward the present, and the descriptions were really good. But I was left a little unsatisfied... It looked to be about 50 lines or so? You had another 50 you could've used (seeing how Contender matches can go up to 100 lines) and you could've used those to flesh this thing out... maybe even continue the journey into the future... 5 months from now ... 5 years from now ... And show us where he goes. Describe to us the effect alcohol has on the body and the toll it takes. Describe the breakdown and the inevitable death. I think doing all that would have made this verse complete... Instead of just "well he will be a passive, sedated observer his whole life and that's that."

That's not that. It never is. Give us an ending we can sink our teeth into...

So I mean, a great battle for sure. But I feel like this is the brokenhal0/Objective problem all over again. A piece packed with content against one that is lighter yet was pulled off more expertly.

I think NYCSPITZ pretty much nailed it. I'm just expanding a bit.

I liked Eviction's creativity better but he didn't pull it off the way he should have. And his ending was... different. But his technical ability was on display as always.

Dominate's piece, although lacking in content, really hit the mark in terms of connecting to the reader and flow/wording. It could've been so much more... But I can't penalize him too much for that.

Vote: Dominate

Really close battle. Eviction would've taken this easily had he focused his narrative more. Dominate would've ran away with it had he packed in more content. Both writers needed what the other had lol. Entertaining shit all around guys.