Netcees - View Single Post - WEEK FIVE: BROKENHAL0 (2-2) vs OBJECTIVE (1-3) TIE

Universe · 04-30-2022, 08:38 AM

brokenhal0:

This was a trip... but one I enjoyed. Your flow is all over the place and everything you write is like taking some LSD to the reader, but if you can get into the vibe it's actually pretty fun. There's some cool moments in here and your word choices and vocab seem to be getting better. You're a smart dude, but you're also out there and can get easily lost and consumed by your own thoughts. Some more pre-planning about the narrative of your piece and some added focus and you'll continue to improve as a writer.

Good stuff though. Enjoyable.

Objective:

This was a nice return to form. It was a short piece in length, and I wanted more... But the depth to this was something that really stood out. The wording was better, elegant even at times. I connected with this piece more... I think everyone will. hal0's style doesn't really allow for any personal connection, while yours certainty does. WHEN it works.

So although it wasn't long enough, it made up for it by going deeper. It's just, I felt short changed by it after reading hal0's verse, which, although bloated at times, left me feeling full after reading it. In a good way.... Ugh.

So I ask myself, what's more valuable? A piece packed with content but a little lost in narrative? Or a more focused piece, but one that only scratches the surface of its potential?

This is truly a tough call... Ummm...

Vote: Objective

I don't know man, I could've gone either way because it just seemed like Objective's verse was so light compared to hal0's... but I think depth (not length) and narrative HAS to win in a topical.

But it was so close.

04-30-2022, 08:38 AM	#6
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	brokenhal0: This was a trip... but one I enjoyed. Your flow is all over the place and everything you write is like taking some LSD to the reader, but if you can get into the vibe it's actually pretty fun. There's some cool moments in here and your word choices and vocab seem to be getting better. You're a smart dude, but you're also out there and can get easily lost and consumed by your own thoughts. Some more pre-planning about the narrative of your piece and some added focus and you'll continue to improve as a writer. Good stuff though. Enjoyable. Objective: This was a nice return to form. It was a short piece in length, and I wanted more... But the depth to this was something that really stood out. The wording was better, elegant even at times. I connected with this piece more... I think everyone will. hal0's style doesn't really allow for any personal connection, while yours certainty does. WHEN it works. So although it wasn't long enough, it made up for it by going deeper. It's just, I felt short changed by it after reading hal0's verse, which, although bloated at times, left me feeling full after reading it. In a good way.... Ugh. So I ask myself, what's more valuable? A piece packed with content but a little lost in narrative? Or a more focused piece, but one that only scratches the surface of its potential? This is truly a tough call... Ummm... Vote: Objective I don't know man, I could've gone either way because it just seemed like Objective's verse was so light compared to hal0's... but I think depth (not length) and narrative HAS to win in a topical. But it was so close. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..