[Universe]

First of all, amazing quote from a great movie. (Fun fact: That line was added by the screenwriter and was not in the book) Should be interesting to see where this goes...

brokenhal0:

Another taking a shit reference rears its ugly head early... I'm starting to think you're constipated and are trying to manifest a bowel movement at this point. Hope it works out for you...

This is pretty much what I expected - Bunch of random stuff that sometimes hits but mostly doesn't. But man, your imagery is some of the most creative around and your imagination, while veering wildly off course, can really be something to behold... Problem is it's just so damn random. It can be masterful or just downright laughable... The juxtaposition of this happening line to line is just too jarring to make a cohesive piece in my opinion.

Here's some of my favorite sections though:

"a frustrated mother shakes her colicky baby and breaks it's neck monsters made in flesh
the actions produced where comical lessen evil's emboldened excuses for depravity
dominating deeds left unspoken , eviction notice the locks on your door wont open
caressing hands, became cracking knuckles , hugs and kisses turn to scraps and scuffles"

- Cool section but uneven.

"tornado's of rage surround the faceless screaming let me in your cellar doors
but the good man keeps it locked knowing if they enter all will die with fury
on the hilltop village the scent of charred flesh smell like burning enamel at the dentist"

- Ditto. Love the last line though.

"the friend you always wanted was a monster in the mirror without a name"

- best line of the piece.

Overall, decent job. Just any semblance of a story here didn't exist.

Eviction:

Great flow and multi's as always. Word choices are good. You're very technically sound and seem to be getting better... really cool to see.

You brought a brokenhalo reference into your verse though... I know he did the same but c'mon... it's starts to get old if you just casually mention it. (See Dominate's piece vs. hal0 for how to properly execute it)

Yeah... You didn't need to match your opponent's line limit and shouldn't have. You pretty much recycled your thoughts the rest of the way and nothing new was added. Although your technical proficiency never wavered, your ending section never quite reached the heights of your beginning, when it was fresh.

But I mean, just solid all around man. The problem is, and has always been, your storytelling ability... It's kind of... not there. You are a very good writer, but when up against the top guys, unless you have a story and couple it with your technical ability, you're always going to come up short and be relegated to the mid-card. I hope I'm wrong, because you have all the skill... But as of now I see you as a gatekeeper and not much more. Think MMLP. Nothing wrong with that.

This topic was unbelievable but I felt overall it was squandered with you two. Not because these weren't good verses, because mostly they were, but because any real story was lacking and I cant help but think of the 'what ifs' if say, someone like Dominate or Adverse got a hold of this topic...

But to me, the winner is clear. Eviction is just on a different level technically than hal0 and it gets him the W.

Vote: Eviction