[Objective]

Candy:

Your piece reads very much as a poem to me, which to me means flow and syllable count is incredibly important, also being poignant and to the point. Removing "are" in line 3 would help it to be just that.

Somber summer strings of a violin rubbed
vs
Somber summer strings of a violin are rubbed

I also really like the ideas here:
Wings extended spring out with mouth made to smile
A symphony vile secrets true bible
^My only problem with it is that it reads a little cryptic, to say the least. A little bit more of a clear message and what you want to translate to the reader would help you out a lot, I think. You can be as deep and cryptic as you want but it can't be too difficult understanding the string of words you put together. "A symphony vile secrets true bible" is an example of that since it doesn't seem to clear up what was going on in the previous line, and as a standalone sentence I can't decipher it either.

Stakes made by mistake stab and gush the air
^I enjoyed this a lot tho. Beautifully written, also a good example of cryptic but to the point and easy to understand as a reader.

Like, man... This piece is kinda cool to me cus I enjoy poetry, and see some true potential in what it can be if you keep developing this style and pay more attention to each line. Think through the story you want to convey to the reader, make metaphors clearer etc. if you intend to use them. The style is cool but needs serious work to get there. I think it would serve you well reading some lyric poetry and its techniques.

Picking up a few key elements to clarity, pacing and subject matter will help you drastically going forward if you intend on keeping this style up. Spend more time polishing clarity in your story/sentences you'll improve your pen game further. I've read better from you in the past and looking to see even better as the league keeps going.

You got it in you, just can't overcomplicate your shit too much. Find a balance to the story and topic at hand, and I think you may come forth with something that can sway doubters in the future.

Corleone:

First off, welcome to the league.

I've been looking forward to check out your topical game. The story is cool but it's difficult to see how the topic given make sense to the story you're laying out. My main tip to you would be to take a look at previous GWL finals and Battle of the Week verses to see how different people have picked apart a topic given. That said, this wasn't an easy picture to get if you're new to it all, hopefully next weeks picture will serve you better when it comes to this.

I enjoy your oldschool forum-style of setting up sentences and sticking with it. It got this nostalgic feel when reading. It's a style of its own and personally as a reader it helps the entertaining factor and differentiate you as a writer, whether or not this particular style will hurt you going forward or not is something future will tell.

That said tho, your story is coherent and I enjoyed what I read for what it was, and that's enough to snatch my vote this week.

Vote: Corleone. I think neither writer pertained to the topic given that well, so the determining factor of snatching my vote was a coherent verse/story and pacing. Something of which Corleone had going for him this week. Looking forward to see more from each writer as they progress throughout the league.