Sorry this battle is getting slept on. I think you guys had the most difficult topic this week, - there’s so much going on in the picture that feels like it needs to be addressed but very few ways I can see to address them all cohesively.
Dank, you killed it again. I really didn’t love what you were writing ABOUT tbh - like, if this were an OM I’d probably just pass despite the quality of the writing… but as I said I think the picture basically forced you into it. I would have really struggled with this topic personally, but you pulled it off. The flower as a metaphor for the man (woman? … person) was a terrific idea. “The bouquet looks weathered and folds under pressure / with head hung, but stem strong enough to hold it together.” was a highlight. Mechanically, you’re unparalleled in this league (for now!) - your ability to weave natural sounding multisyllablic rhymes into your prose is really something. Even more than that, a lot of the things that rhymed were key words or phrases that drove the piece forwards, it wasn’t just that they didn’t get in the way. Really impressive. I like the different schemes and rhythms you played around with this week compared to last. Gave this a more poetic feel which suited the tone well.
Objective - idk man, I’ve read this through three times and I’m still not sure I ‘get it’. Parts of this were good on their own but in sum I’m just left kinda confused by it all. Sorry if I’m a dumb dumb. I hope some more experienced writers/readers will offer their thoughts on this after me and I can glean something from that. You have a good vocabulary in the sense of knowing a lot of words. Some good turns of phrase like ‘festering grief’. I’m less sold on others like ‘archaic defeat’. Thanks for the read.
V/ Dank
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The Bad Guys
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