[Universe]

brokenhal0:

Surprisingly... I enjoyed this. Although not up to the usual technical standards I expect, there was still a rawness here that I really liked. You had some vivid imagery stacked in here as well, some lines really had some impact even though not fully fleshed out or delivered, which actually speaks volumes for how well the concepts jumped off the screen.

It was a literal take on the topic though... You do this a lot. It's like you see the picture and just began typing with no real deeper thought behind it, which seems to be your schtick. But amidst the chaos that you bring, every once in awhile, you can unearth some gems.

That said, as cool as this was, your lack of preparation and technical laziness will penalize you here... Let's just see if your imagery was enough to pull you through.


Adonis:

Okay it started out kind of cool but I was hoping you wouldn't go full autobiography on us and switch it up, do something different, aaannddd... not only did that not happen, but you went the 'drop people's names' route and incorporated it into your narrative, which is supposed to come off as creative but is actually the exact opposite, in my opinion. This is lazy writing and it has been done all before. A thousand times over. And better.

I don't know, I just didn't like it man. I know you have skill but this was beneath you on every level. This is a topical league, and nothing about this sparked originality or showed us something new story-wise. To me, it was the narrative equivalent of "it was all a dream" ending. Ugh. And the final call out for legends to enter the cypher just seemed... kind of dumb. No one cares. Just tell us a story man, that's what we are here for.

I'm going with brokenhal0 here. His imagery won out in the end.