Before I lean one way or another I just wanted to let you guys know that I really did enjoy both of your verses, you guys don’t write 60 lines yet your ability to flesh out a story in what you’re given is truly dope. I read this battle a couple of times just to make sure I had the right decision and even though you guys took this in the direction I was thinking of when I saw this picture (god/big brother etc) both of you told nice narratives and they’re worthy of a breakdown.
Dom - I liked this verse man. I think last week you put your storytelling on display but since the topic was more on the non serious side I wasn’t paying as much attention to it. The story progressed at a nice pace and I like you encapsulated what a walk on eggshells it is working for some companies and how careful you have got to be when even talking about the wrong things. Also like how it showed the monotony of a workplace but just how mysterious it could be as well, really fucked with this section here
“ The argument’s simple. They have the right to target this info
You’re paid to be here, they want to realise all your potential
Time theft’s a crime and it must be guarded against, so
They take simple security measures. Merely locks on the windows
My social media’s a wasteland, littered with perfunctory edits
Everything carefully curated to conform to the company’s ethics
Hand in every part of my life til I can’t tell where the puppetry’s end is
It’s not enough to be productive. You must adopt the proper aesthetics”
That puppetry bar was dope. Great drop this week. Only complain was the ending could have been a little more impactful? It just sort of existed. Still liked this one overall
Timeless:
This was another nice verse and your flow is really the strongest part of your writing in my opinion. It just carries the whole narrative through very smoothly, I liked how you approached this topic and just how everything was delivered so concisely, I mean this just seems so natural for you. My favorite hit was
“I mean come on, day to day dollar for dollar earned and spent.
Forever in debt, might as well just fucking burn my check.
Eventually this suit of mine will lose its shine and unwind.
So I'll forever wrap up my tie in a noose and ask God why I'm alive.
Before I do it, like most people I'll ask 'What does it mean to die?'“
My only real problem is I feel like you can do better. Like maybe your entire heart isn’t in this just yet but I feel like here you delivered again with a good verse, but feel like you were just out written. Dom’s story kept me intrigued all the way through where I felt yours kinda fell off at the end especially the last line I wasn’t a particular fan of. I think you’re a super dope writer and I hate to vote against you when you wrote something here that was pretty dope but Dom just had more here to get him the W. Good battle
V/Dom
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