[Adonis]

Dom - First thing caught my eye is simple but I liked the flip on "Monitors Monitored". Your flip on the topic was nice, and even the actual story was simple, but not in a bad way. I mean you just explained the paranoia involved in working for a big company, gave us a glimpse in the window of a day, which was perfect given the topic. Almost like the eye looking in is me watching the guy work, so his paranioa puts me as the peeping Tom lol, fucking hell as i'm typing this topic flip was glorious. After voting is complete please tell me if I enterperated it correctly. As far as wording and flow and rhyme, nothing in terms of sore thumb or hiccups, Some of the rhyme schemes didn't hit overly hard, then some did, but even the ones that didn't were effective in the sense that they did its job in flow but more so were key points in the story itself. All in all, I've only read like 5-6 verses but thus far this is my favorite of the round.

Time - Striaght narrative for me here, I enjoyed the read as a story and more than a few of the bars or lines simply flowed perfectly. Most notably lines 3-5 flowed perfectly imo, like nothing could be changed to convey what you were saying to enhance the flow or wording, perfect imo. While I enjoyed the verse, I get the sense that I'm missing something, because to me there was no real flip that I found. Instead just a simple story telling type read that paced perfectly and had no glaring errors. And actually, on second read I see what youre doing here is explaining the life of a person who is drowning in vices, due to the fact that he works but can only make ends meet. So the guy in a tie (enjoyed you comparing tie to a nose) is the dude being watched by his higher being which he's asking why life is the way it is. Solid take and execution, thoroughly enjoyed


vote - Dom

both these were very good reads, there really was nothing that I DID NOT like from either read. But... Doms Flip of the eye being me, which may be wishful thinking, but thats how I enterperated, was just a stronger flip IMO. Of the verses I read this week, these are my two favs, so tuff brk for Time, but as I said, you both truly did your thing to perfection. BOTW thus far