Thought this could have done without part two.
Part 1 kept my attention despite it's length. I wanted to read what happened next. I think your descriptions are good. Good imagery and descriptions in the diner.
Watching the target eat onion rings I realize everything comes full circle...
You really just can't help yourself can you?
I could argue you rely a bit too much on pop culture for your pieces. A lot of TV shows and movie themes. But you pull it off, usually.
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