[Soule]

Universe, was about to say this has a very Lars vibe to it and then the ending hit and I was like well... there it is... The flow in this piece is fire, especially when it gets intense and a lot is going on. Pretty gnarly take on the topic. Violated child pretending to be the teddy bear to push out the damage that was done and then getting addicted to the pain in the end as an adult. Happens to people pretty much every day and it's terrible. A lot more creative than whatever concept I probably would've came up with so kudos on being original. I didn't really see anything wrong with this piece to be honest. Maybe the "suck in the plastic" line was a bit odd to me but that's honestly just nitpicking. Great job.

Objective, conceptually, this had a ton of potential from start to finish, and while I enjoy the idea and the ending I feel like the piece felt a bit rushed. Considering how long Universe's piece was, you def could've took your time and wrote A LOT more to really bring this story out. With how short it is and how quick it ended, the backgrounds you gave the characters before the piece started kinda fell short and didn't do much other than the one guy being a crazy vet who put a bomb in the kid's bag and the wife being a whore. Piece could've really been something but I think you hurt yourself by not making it long and adding more detail to support the story.

Overall this was a pretty good battle but I feel like Universe REALLY wanted to kill someone while Objective had a promising storyline that just wasn't fully executed.

Vote Universe.


Edit: just seen the category shit. Sigh. Here.


Creativity-- Universe. Might've been closer to a tie here if Objective dropped a longer, more detailed piece but as is Universe dropped one of the most original pieces I've read in a bit.

Entertainment-- Universe. Pretty the concept and the flow this was an absolute banger to read. Objective's flow and pacing was a bit skittish.

Flow-- Universe by quite a margin. Loved the flow in his piece.

Rhyme Scheme-- Universe, it was better paced and consistent pretty much from start to finish.

Consistency/Topic-- Honestly. I guess I'd give this a tie. Universe def used a lot more detail and you could basically see the picture in at least one scene mean while I could imagine a teddy bear in Jacob's bag right before the bomb went off.

Literary Devices (alliteration, assonance, allusion, etc..) -- Universe

Emotion-- Objective could've tied this up had her committed entirely to his piece but the pain of a sexually abused child becoming addicted to his pain is a nightmare to feel.

Imagery-- Universe, though again, would've been a tie if Objective really showed up.