[Objective]

Love the pics chosen for this one

Mmlp: the intro and getting straight into it with fluent writing and cademce is why I enjoy reading your shit. Imagery and good stuff such as "feeling inhuman in a fountain of hope" is thought provoking and sets the stage for the main characters' psyche.

However, you have some hiccups. In terms of cadence etc this transition isn't as fluent to me: "but nothing was bringing him back!" Why do I think that? A break up like that works in terms of giving the reader a pause before shit catches on fire again, but neither the language, assonance or rhythmic pattern brought anything "new" to the table. It ends up for me leaving me with an "ok, it does its job" instead "damn, he's putting in work on this shit!" Not saying you don't btw, just being real due to the nature of the tournament and what it represents.

It does pick up tho, but slowly and then you vomit dopeness that makes me remember who the fuck you are again with shit like this:
it hints shes physically spent
imprisoned, wishing for death
the shifts, abysmal at best
as the wrinkles signal distress

In terms of transitions I personally find solid is stuff like this:
begin in sticking my neck out to settle the score
but my efforts were thwarted
….. to the end, I am yours!

Then the fluency hiccups again with syllable/vocal mismatch here:
as I swept away any remorse til its realised.
and they’re reading between the lines,
Yet you show you can do this shit with sweep aside/re-ignite/cheeky wife/etc. to the end

Overall enjoyed the story and concept, dope stuff in that regard. In terms of literary devices it felt dragged out at parts (too much of the same, which would be cool had you polished it a bit more throughout as a stylistic choice done to perfection)

Still a really enjoyable piece but felt this was rushed at parts. Good stuff regardless, thanks for the good read.

Timeless: I've always enjoyed your concise pieces, usually shorter but to the point and good stuff, 1/3rd through this is no different.

Fire like this is what I enjoy seeing from you:

Selfishness is a trait of a child that stretches through straits of the nile.
Addiction is the same and its wild how much less you gain from its bile.

How that ties into the topic and a visual mental image of the issue at a deeper level in short words is dope af to me.

Overall it is a good read for sure. I still think you could have made more with it. It's a good drop, but also leaves me feeling I didn't get any dessert when I was still hungry for more. In terms of an OM? Good stuff, in terms of a tourney you need a lil bit extra.

Vote: MMLP. He had a more fleshed out story, pacing and so on. Felt Timeless read smoother and left me enjoying it but MMLP had that extra stuff that made him take the W. Entertaining battle, thanks for the reads and the time y'all put into this. Mmlp, you got to step up on the polishing department in order to come with it vs the better people in this tourney. You got it in you, just gotta git that extra edge you got