[Universe]

Master Rock:

Very poetic, metaphorical approach here. I absolutely loved the beginning of this piece; Saying a lot but was subtle about it. Technically, the syllable counts and multi's were kind of iffy but with the strength of the message here at the beginning, it almost didn't matter to me.

This stayed strong until the end I felt, where you kind of let the foot off the gas a little bit. It's still wrapped up nicely, but I don't think it matched the precedent you set at the beginning. Oh, but I also appreciated those little quiet* wordplay moments you dripped in there from time to time... I think the big take away from this thoughtful piece is how damn subtly beautiful it is. It doesn't beat you over the head with anything. You don't hold our hand, but you guide us, and let us wonder... Which was a great way to approach this topic.

Highlights:

"One day at a time
I caused an effect and now a pattern aligns
so many directions from our motives designed
I reflect on the art of my past in my mind
I'm here situated infatuated by my finds
the wonder of the first time I open my eyes
the feeling of pain from the first cry
the amazement of success from another try
angle, so what is it?"

- This is the beginning of the piece that I loved. But calling it the "beginning" is misleading because your piece is so short it's actually 1/3 of the entire verse. I wanted more. Liked the try-angle line that capped it off though.


ACTIVATE SELF:

Never good to start right off with a spelling error - "angle's fall from grace" but picked up quickly from there, dropping some knowledge with a good use of vocab, stellar flow and smooth multi's as well. Love the transitions happening here - the kind of slow river flowing down toward the present day and then back again. This is butter to read.

I really enjoyed the end as well... Political statements being made with as much ease as casual speech, yet never sacrificing your form. I'm definitely a fan of your writing my man.

Highlights:

"A secrete society of ancient police,
bankers and thieves, mayors and chiefs…
of major belief systems and cults
Who paid homage to a god half demon and goat
Known as Baphomet’s ghost"

- Enjoyed the almost choppy flow here, and I mean that in a good way. Kind of accentuated your lines. Connection to the topic was also strong here.

"Not to mention the virus and the fear it creates
Which is “liken” to blood that the vampires drank during Dracula’s reign
This draconian state operates under NATO and a cartel of banks
The puppet masters of fate, finance and faith
That just so happen make all the medication you take"

- This was my favorite part of the piece; flow was spot on mixed with some wordplay and a meaningful message. Although you forgot the "to" between "happen" and "make" in the last line. Details matter, bud.

Your piece seems so well sculpted but if there's a minor complaint it's the grammatical issues that I always seem to find one or two of. Not that big of a deal, but in an otherwise almost flawless peice, these little chips stand out.

This was a really tough call for me... Enjoyed both pieces. Master Rock's subtle approach hit hard but lacked the technical aspects I look for like multi's and syllable counts lining up. ACTIVATE SELF's piece was technically sound, longer, all around more complex yet never reached the heights Master Rock's did on an emotional level.

I think, if Master Rock had made his piece longer... and kept his piece at the apex, stretching out his beginning stanza, he would be the clear winner. But as it stands, when it's this close, it comes down to the simplest of all categories, but perhaps the most important... personal preference. I enjoyed SELF's just a tiny bit more. The technical aspects took it home for me.

Vote - ACTIVATE SELF