[Universe]

MMLP:

Good to see you back at it. I know you're sick of hearing this, but you and Lars have such similar styles in terms of you both kind of begin your topic with a clever line that links to the picture directly and just build off it from there. "My thoughts scare the living daylights out of me" is a great start, clever and sets the table nicely for what's to come.

In terms of an actual story though, I feel this style gets in the way of that a little bit... The plot is always a loose thread, dangling... Not quite tied. You are a slave to your cleverness and your wordplay, you have to go where it takes you. I think it handicaps you in a way... That said, you always end up wrapping things up nicely in the end in your own way, adding some emotion and/or twist to your small but clever tale.

You are consistently one of my favorites to read, that's for sure.

Highlights:

"round and round I am going, feeling inhuman
in a fountain of hope
I’m cradling, reclusive they label me elusive
unwavering, this endless loop no longer had a ring to it"

- The way you structured this was beautiful.

The entire middle section sad dope too - from "simple request" to "signal distress"... Not quoting all that but loved it all.

"begin in sticking my neck out to settle the score
but my efforts were thwarted
….. to the end, I am yours!
my empathy formed like never before
forgetting those opportunities I’m yet to explore"

- Love the interior rhyme schemes and connections here. Top tier stuff.

Great job as always.


timeless:

First thing I noticed is your verse seemed to pick up right where MMLP left off, at least lyrically anyway. It was like reading a topical cypher... completely a coincidence but I liked it regardless lol.

This was a really nice piece as well. I've never read anything from you before but I can see how you've picked up 22 wins - very poetic style. Solid multi's and some cool wordplay sprinkled in there. You know what you're doing.

Highlights:

"Forests and streams in line with the trajectory of my thoughts.
All natural, passing through the stress in me thats been lost."

- Nice imagery here. Feels like a breath of fresh air reading this.

"At most, I'm driving over a hill but they're armed, built up to plateaus" sections was cool too. I especially liked this line in terms of the small connection to the topic.

"Still, feed the baby until its grown and can feed on its own.
A fiend with a scope smaller than the lean on his home"

- Same thing, plus cool imagery and nicely executed.

The imagery was strong throughout as stated, but I felt like it was missing certain aspects that would've put it over the top - Like a consistent story. It also should've been longer. You really needed to bring it here to compete against MMLP, and it fell too short for me in those major categories. Create a character or two. Maintain this level of quality and get me invested in an interesting story or personal struggle and I'd be hooked. I think if you maintained and expanded upon what you did here, and maybe even doubled down on the line limit over what MMLP did, you could've taken this. Quality is good... quality AND quantity is better. At least in my opinion. I'm here to get lost in an imaginary world... Create one for me.

MMLP succeeded at this, almost literally. But this was a great battle between two talented writers.

Vote - MMLP