[Objective]

Activate self - a bit jumo here and there but enjoy the pacing of the story, the imagery and creative approach.

How, since you have a heavy focus on flow theres places here and there I could see improvements in the future. Especially this couplet:
extortion or a permanent hell
On the Earth they dwell using curse words and spells
^"Permanent hell" got four syllables with the rhythm of permanent, "curse words and spells", too. Earth they dwell got 3, to help your reader further I would argue adding "earth WHERE they dwell" to help the cadence being more fluent. Even if it connects to "church at yale" in terms of assonance it falls a bit flat unless you read it over. And "church at yale" is a great transition on its own to the next rhythmic pattern you choose to go for after "Harvard and well". I enjoy the break up, don't get me wrong... I just think that sort of technique would work better in audios as opposed to written where you want to help your reader a bit more since its read.

Solid fuckind drop. Enjoyed it A LOT! In terms of the topic tho... How does it connect?

Master Rock - Enjoyed your story, got to come with more overall oomph in order to beat future contestants but the closing lines were absolutely fire and saved your piece imo. Enjoyed the read and tied really well to the topic, some cool perspectives here and there but was hoping for more in terms of rhymeschemes and rhythm/flow.

That said. Story on its own was cool, tied well to the topic given and I enjoyed the read. Good stuff, can tell you've progressed quite a lot from the first few pieces I read from you.

Vote - Master Rock. Couldn't get Activate Self's piece to the topic to connect... Although I enjoyed his more overall I couldn't see how it tied itself to that.