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Adverse · 03-24-2021, 02:20 PM

It’s cool not to be writing for anyone but yourself but when you post a verse for an audience to read keep that in mind. Your writing seems very layered and each bar has a deeper meaning, which is awesome but at the same time confusing for us as readers. What I understood was cool though the imagery was nice at times and the metaphors were beautiful. Idk if you listen to Charles Hamilton but he had a period where his music was akin to what you’re writing. Cool comparison.

My favorite bit:
“Wine, rum, mystic hits, just let pain come,
I'll hold your sadistic hips to the rhythm of what we escape from.
I view nature and humans as fate that's construed to chained love,
like fabled greek mysteries and what freak prophecies are made of.”

03-24-2021, 02:20 PM	#4
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	It’s cool not to be writing for anyone but yourself but when you post a verse for an audience to read keep that in mind. Your writing seems very layered and each bar has a deeper meaning, which is awesome but at the same time confusing for us as readers. What I understood was cool though the imagery was nice at times and the metaphors were beautiful. Idk if you listen to Charles Hamilton but he had a period where his music was akin to what you’re writing. Cool comparison. My favorite bit: “Wine, rum, mystic hits, just let pain come, I'll hold your sadistic hips to the rhythm of what we escape from. I view nature and humans as fate that's construed to chained love, like fabled greek mysteries and what freak prophecies are made of.”