Introduction
Fuck what I said last week about not being at the half way point. We have 3 weeks left starting with week 7. At the end of week 9 we'll have our champion. Everyone's seeming a little burnt out and I have no interest in dragging people through a league they view as a chore to write for... but I don't want to just throw in the towel, either, so check the bottom of this post for what to expect in the next 3 weeks.
We had a champ match between User and Dave this week where User allowed Dave to post first and last. That kind of speaks to where we are right now.
BATTLE OF THE WEEK
User V Dave
Best Exchanges
1
Dave
Judges saying Dave’s on a tear.. maybe try asking Frac cus he knows
Only time you’ll find User on a tear is if he sat down too fast in chinos
Tubby pale red head, this ain’t hard it’s light work
Only thing with more material on you is your Karl Kani shirt
User
Listen you Newsy-hatted, toothy faggot - I’m taken aback
Wanna impress the judges? Say ‘water bottle’ without making ‘em laugh
Wow, bringing up my shirt? That’s kinda weird to know
If you have so much material, why are you pulling from 20 years ago?
Chinos was nah. Cool nod to your momentum and recalling the win over Frac to flex, but on a tear was light. Almost the same story for the second bar. News-hatted multi was dope and so was water bottle. Good jokes. Material flip was middle of the road.
Dave
Zuch’s top cheerleader.. isn’t it time that you hop from dudes cock
And water bottles only on your mind because it’s your dream to screw top
Plus The judges care what the words are, not just how they’re said
...And They’ll know all about my accent when I pronounce you dead
User
Get a better angle man, these are the kind that I find dim
You’ve mentioned Top 2 weeks in a row, and Zuch’s not even signed in
Pronounce me dead? Clever twist, mental midget
Ur country’s had a lot of crowns, but you got 32 in one dental visit
Using Zuch to get to top in screw was meh and I wasn't really feeling it as a rebuttal on User's bottle line, either. Pronounce you dead was fire. User calling Dave out for referencing Zuch was a nice angle, honestly. Crowns was fire.
Dave
You bringing up the crown is nothing short of a crummy play
When you’re the illegitimate ginger kid I’ma force to run away
The Karl kani was hard on the eye im not gonna lie it’s true
But these days you only rockin that drip when ur jaw get too tired to chew
User
Lines were good for 3 weeks, but lately they’re off
You only hate that I’m Ginger because you miss Scary, Sporty, Baby & Posh
Man, you stay dropping hopeless filler
Worried about my jaw, when ur teeth black enough for interviews at Oprah’s Villa
Ginger line was kinda clever. I liked it. Ginger/Space Girls reference was dope. After the crown line both referenced the interview. This was good stuff by both.
Dave
Spice girls? I ain’t no fan but if you say so man
And I guess Girl Power is the perfect descriptor for how this gay throws hands
Gonna have to be blunt, I’m finding it hard to palate this cunt
The only “hopeless filler” here is how you been ordering salads for lunch
User
Hey biscuit-face, we stopped giving shit to gays
And we don’t call them girls, in fact, we call them British Dave’s
You can’t clown and fight back while sounding like that,
You can’t palate me? That’s understandable, your mouth’s a spike trap
Girl power fell flat for me. Hopeless filler was cool lol Biscuit face/shit to gays/British Dave's was perfecto. Possibly my favorite line of the battle thus far. Thought spike trap was underwhelming.
Dave
Biscuit face? That shits misplaced if you want to get rid of me
Last time an internal was that forced you nearly lost your virginity
& Getting girls is a test that your wide ass ain’t passing
Shit, these days a ‘spike trap’ is the only chance you might have of smashing
Forced internal/virginity is meh. Spike trap rebuttal was pretty fucking great lol
Consensus
Judge quotes
This was a good read. I had it tied going into the last exchange. Dave had one bad and one good. So it stays even. Looking back my fav bar from either of them was rocking the drip. My least fav was British Dave’s.
Dave was off his game compared to previous weeks, for me. Typically 8/10 bars from him hit hard, but this week I read a handful of them as a little forced or landing light. Pronounce you dead, run away ginger and smashing were the highlights. User was more consistent with some nice internals that, despite Dave's line to the contrary, were actually pretty smoothly inserted. British Dave's, Ginger Spice, Zuch signed in, 32 crowns and water bottle were all lands.
2-1 Dave wins
Blue V Hush
Best Exchanges
1
Hush
He got rare wit...
A modern goat., the one guy in a battle I don’t stand a prayer wit
Your the txt Lebron James .. cept he was rich enough to get his hair fixed
Blue
thanks for the LeBron ref cuz boyyy i'ma riddle you w/ steal
there's gunna be MAD powder in the air once i clap you in the middle of a deal
you see i leave the crowd in amazement w/ this rhymin' stuff..
only eyebrow raising you're doin' is drawing on your wife's when ur high as fuck
Hush coming out swinging on Blue's receding hairline lol Powder was cool but drawing on the wife's eyebrows was the highlight here. Calls out his stoner personality and those crazy brows. Bar was worded cocky af too.
2
Hush
My beretta bang , it came from Compton
Rock u wit a face shot and raise ya eyebrow higher than Dwayne Johnson
Boy u either stressed or suck
Im calling foul - U gotta shorten reference to ref cuz ya bars stretched as fuck
Blue
approach from your porch, know i got the drop on you Vic
you'll get ya Screenshot then Put In a Box like you're Croppin' a Pic
save it Ricky Ricardo, don't even rhyme you dork
u've always had Short Set-Ups. her friends were setting a date w/ a guy that's 5 foot 4
It came from Compton? lol Tf... Then eyebrow and The Rock? Ref was a nice jab and observation. Cropping a pic feels like a generic but it's a dope one. Set ups was a dope concept but thought the wording was a little off.
Consensus
Judge quotes
Blue was near perfect until the last couple exchanges and hush had very little
Hush had an early lead but the FN exchange swung it his way and he didn't let go
Blue had this sewn up 3 exchanges in. Hush seemed less involved than normal and Blue was on point with Big House, owned you for a decade and took advantage of Hush missing his turn with Forth be with you lol Fucking blowout.
3-0 Blue Wins
Des V Frac
Best Exchanges
1
Frac
Des a middle aged pussy, y u always cryin man
Look like u never been in a fight in ur life. Wouldnt hands on sight in an eye exam
U always think u win. But u just ramble every tourney
Iknow u have arthritis but y cant u get a handle on ur wording
Des
saw dave laid some hands on u. & now des is here to put lead in ya
&&& this ain’t no fucking eye exam but i do have a scope in my retina
bad eyesight & arthritis? as far as old jokes go, this boy is lame
i don’t suffer from swollen wrists bitch but i do keep the joints inflamed
Hands on sight was questionable lol Handle on your wording was cool. Didn't love Des' retina bar, either. Joints inflamed was dope, but you lighting joints isn't a strong diss.
Frac
Gettin high tryin to forget that ur life is fucked
Yea youll be smoking out ur joints after the burner lights you up
No miscarriage jokes cause i was also throwin her the dick
I gave ur girl a pregnancy scare.. By the stairs, hoping she would slip
Des
let’s add it up. loving wife, two cute kids. 100 thou on a mortgage
seems to all equal to my life being a whole lot less fucked than yours is
asked my wife to be honest & say if she sucked and rode u
but i truly wonder will that ho tell....ever fucking promote you????
Smoking out your joints was a nice rebuttal. Dope. Liked the wording of the set up for the pregnancy line but the punch delivery was a little off. Des first bar was eh but the ho tell promotion was jokes lol
Consensus
Judge quotes
This battle was decent. Fell off towards the end.
Wasn't loving either. Slight edge to frac. Eye exam could've been fucking wild
This was a tough battle to vote on. Frac had some momentum going until ho tell but his bedpan bar swung things back in his direction. Holiday Inn was cool but I wasn't loving dreaming of a white one. Guy Zuch battled a lot was cool. Liked lives in the past and then Frac dropped that stinker on his last couplet. Think Des did enough with his last bar to edge out the win.
2-1 Des wins
Seth V Adverse
Best Exchanges
1
Adverse
Yooooo this guy’s a scientist? That’s fuckin funny dude
Only relation to Beakers is u look like a live action Bunsen Honeydew
You doing this aggressive act you just ain’t got the stomach for, bro
Only time u’ll see this ginger snap is fighting temptation to eat a bucket of those
Seth
Not a scientist, & when he knocks no one answers him
Guys 25 & looks like Walter White if he just let the cancer win
Ur life sucks, being a janitor & having half ur hair must kill
Ur at work fighting the temptation to eat a bucket of bleach u just filled
Bunsen Honeydew was fucking great lol Ginger snap was cool but could've been worded a bit better. Loved Seth's rebuttal here. Walter White was dope and the last punch was flipped back on him was nice.
Adverse
Out of all the things u could call me, lookin like Walt’s a vibe
Come to think of it, I see Jesse in you, look like u ate him, Saul and Mike
Wow Seth way to be subtle with wit another janitor rebuttal to flip?
Honestly the only cleaning supplies you’ll see is the bucket you gon kick
Seth
I didn’t say heisenberg I said if he never made it to the show
Calling you Walt Jr would be an insult to retards everywhere across the globe
Ofc everyone flips it, it’s sad that it’s true
If I killed myself I’d still die happier than you
Him, Saul and Mike was lollll Didn't love the internal here, but bucket to kick was a nice flip. Walt Jr was meh and happier than you was simple but landed pretty hard.
Consensus
Judge quotes
Seth had some good shot and stayed consistent all the way through. Wording was more crisp and concepts were fresher. Adverse was really cookie cutter especially in the beginning.
Adverse was a liiiiittle too simple in this one. Couple of his rebuttals were really nice, like box you're buried in, but they all felt like long hanging fruit. Seth was harsh on a couple of personals. His beat on the box and mess in your stalls was top notch shit.
3-0 Seth wins
Defiant V Spree
Consensus
Judge quotes
His best angles felt oddly familiar from earlier battles this season. Spree tried to go after semantics a little too much
Nobody had a bar that I liked here.
Clean around the house and curves at everyone's place dope. Dropping ass against Fraze was cool. After that the battle mostly devolved into cringe level concepts and weird angles.
2-1 Defiant wins
Mac V Lars
Consensus
Judge quotes
Mac was more consistent here, but barely. Because he forfeited a turn and Diablo didn’t absolutely embarrass himself
Mac started strong with whole picture but fell off. Lars good throughout
Lars was easily better here, but this is one of the tougher fights I've seen Mac put up. Losing that turn hurt him, but I think Lars had it sewn up anyhow.
3-0 Lars wins