[sral]

Interesting topic for sure. It reminds me of a Banksy work, nonetheless, somewhat satirical in its nature which is quite fun to me personally and not as serious as it might first appear. I think aside from the obvious totalitarian technology taking over type scenario, the focus really has to be on the faceless figure on the climbing frame. Who is that figure, could it be your inner child perhaps - seeking an escape from the norm? There are many outlets it could be applied to, but I may have perhaps toyed with something closer to all our hearts perhaps in this hobby of ours - I could be the one breaking free of its many constraints - under the watchful eyes of my peers (pun always intended of course). Anyway, enough about me, let’s see how you guys have this one...


Brokenhal0: This verse struck me as having similarities to the one you used against Master Rock, which was arguably your showing of the season, the topic itself lends itself to you kindly in that you prefer a more ethereal and abstract style choice over the direct correlation and storytelling. The flow is easily digestible for the most part, picking up noteably toward the middle of the verse but the final numbered bullet points did little for me, in truth, and if anything detracted from the final form. I think you started strong but had a finish that needed more in the way of execution here, even if it did its job in summary, I felt I still needed more in the way of resolution and conclusion than was offered up.

Objective: I enjoyed the mechanics you put into this; the lead character is somewhat of a prisoner of his own thinking (or thoughts) and I think you put a lot of your personal life in this as you drew inspiration. It’s injected in several lines throughout, “Digging graves for broken kings,” was a particular highlight I enjoyed. I wasn’t keen on the formatting, not that it matters, but it seemed more of an attempt for the verse to “seem” longer than it was rather than adding any artistic value to me. I think because of its brevity, perhaps, you wanted to make this feel more of a contest in the viewers eyes by making your piece seem elongated - it works, to an extent, no doubt but I don’t necessarily feel it was needed here to be truthful. I think in terms of purely mechanics and technical abilities you were both evenly matched - but in different areas. Brokenhal0 had more in the way of implied rhythmic cadence and flow coupled with rhyme placement while Objective had more to offer me in terms of multi strings, by way of thoughtful content and again in rhyme placement actually which he has worked hard on in recent months. I think, overall, I favoured Objective in more individual areas I tend to look for than Brokenhal0, and that was the deciding factor for me - overall - with no one particular thing to split the two coming to mind immediately. It’s a close one, as the tie-vote eluded to, but I had Objective here.