MMLP:
Technically proficient with some clever rhymes that I enjoyed. I was waiting to be IMMERSED or drawn in by some heavy hitting lines but I just never felt one. Touched on a battle for sobriety, which I can relate to.
It's a good piece, but it didn't wow me like some past MMLP pieces.
Objective:
Started out with a good rhyming pace. This is a more cohesive piece than I'm used to seeing from you, and that's a positive. The subject was clear and you kept with it for both stanzas.
The question becomes, can this top a longer and technically proficient verse?
It's very close with me. If Objective wrote 1 or 2 more stanzas he may have been able to take this because his subject matter is very relatable in our modern tech times.
I'm giving this to MMLP but just barely, my interest wasn't piqued very much but as I go through the verse again, the multis and phrasing are quite good.
Objective should aim for a few more lines next week, with the same focus and cohesiveness that he showed here.
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