P.A.: "the repetition of the word" culture" was used a bit much in the opening lines for me, beside of that I like where you're going with this. "Recong songs/recording long", repetition doesn't work here either. What you're saying is dope just not the way you're saying it sometimes... Try to refrain from repetition unless you got a crystal clear reason for doing so in a stylistic fashion, it doesn't seem to serve anything here, unfortunately. Story and concept is cool imo, spend a bit more time polishing and you'll have something solid. As it stands now with the repetition and at times awkward pacing which could be helped with a longer verse going through his 20s and the road to where he's at now. Relatable af, wish you had spent a lil bit more time on it though and posted some of a higher quality like I've seen you do in the past.
Adverse: cant really get restlessness/adventure is to flow off the tongue that well (it kinda works but... It's your opener,you know?) but I enjoy the intro and what you're saying here, just a bit lackluster in terms of execution. The next lines is better in terms of this.
Daily I learn the lesson as my hands are stretching for the stars
That this room’s become a prison, and depression’s standing guard
^dopeness, really enjoyed this couplet.
"up the halls/but these walls" would flow better than "but these four walls" imo. Like the content tho
Cool closure.
Vote: mvgt Adverse. The way he attacked this topic was a bit more fleshed out and conclusive than Pharaoh's, but Pharaoh's could have snatched it with a smoother pacing to the story and working on the kinks like repetition etc.
OK battle (I'm critical) cus I've definitely read better from both, and I think you guys know you've done better in the past as well.
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o
Last edited by Objective; 01-19-2021 at 11:03 PM.
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