Netcees - View Single Post - WEEK SEVEN: OBJECTIVE 2-3 vs MMLP 4-2 MMLP WINS

Universe · 01-18-2021, 09:01 PM

MMLP:

Great drop in a short time frame. You wanted to sign out but just justified the exact reason why you SHOULDN'T. Top level flow and clever ass lines that go well with the picture. It's just further proof that if you get the right topic, you can beat anyone.

The start of this was fire...

"Still different from the rest
diffident at best, scratching and crawling
itching for respect, beginning to impress
each bar is a signal of success
the emotions riddle me with debts to society
the quest for sobriety, leaves those hopes in tatters
I hold the cameras facing the closing chapter
the incoming calls, drive me up the wall
in climbing the social ladder"

- Loved all of this. Especially the "incoming calls drive me up the wall" part. I was like 'damn' when I read that.

"I become inquisitive, its triggering
a simple “Hope you are well,”
and I’m thinking, is this heart-felt?
I just need to ditch the phone,
switch the tone of this ‘hard’ shell
the only thing ringing now.. should be the alarm bells!"

- Dope... but even you knew that lol.

Perfect ending too...

"I’m starting afresh,
now I’ve got a hold
because it’s better to be on the bottom of a ladder that you want to be on
than on top of one, you don’t!"

Beauty connection to the pic and sums up your personal struggle with this league. Nicely done.

Objective:

Cool message in this piece. A virtual world that overtakes the real one and the effects that has on us is such a cool concept, and very real. I really liked the beginning of this.

"Savior lines, mental health chat bots trend it,
Ask what algorithms of friendships end with.
He release some of his Steam on Nintendo,
yet needs VRChat to talk with his friend though."

- 'Release some of his Steam" was nice.

Second stanza wasn't technically as proficient - Some stretched connections and wording. But the message remained strong... I think this had a ton of potential that, through your actual rhymes, got lost in the shuffle. I think if you spent more time on it you could've really ironed out the kinks and dropped a masterful verse. This is still great, but falls short of its own gigantic aspirations.

"Corrected features, phone screens is his night lights glow,
and only connects with people as far as his wi-fi go..."

- Great way to wrap it up. Simple and effective.

Awesome battle you two. Enjoyed both. MMLP wins with the technical stuff as expected, but Objective had a better angle in terms of where he took this. If he fleshed it out more he could've won... I just think MMLP was too great of a wall to climb here. Pun intended.

Objective, you are as close as it gets to being in the top tier of this league. Your writing impresses me every week and I hope you stick around. You're RIGHT there. But for now...

Vote - MMLP

01-18-2021, 09:01 PM	#5
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	MMLP: Great drop in a short time frame. You wanted to sign out but just justified the exact reason why you SHOULDN'T. Top level flow and clever ass lines that go well with the picture. It's just further proof that if you get the right topic, you can beat anyone. The start of this was fire... "Still different from the rest diffident at best, scratching and crawling itching for respect, beginning to impress each bar is a signal of success the emotions riddle me with debts to society the quest for sobriety, leaves those hopes in tatters I hold the cameras facing the closing chapter the incoming calls, drive me up the wall in climbing the social ladder" - Loved all of this. Especially the "incoming calls drive me up the wall" part. I was like 'damn' when I read that. "I become inquisitive, its triggering a simple “Hope you are well,” and I’m thinking, is this heart-felt? I just need to ditch the phone, switch the tone of this ‘hard’ shell the only thing ringing now.. should be the alarm bells!" - Dope... but even you knew that lol. Perfect ending too... "I’m starting afresh, now I’ve got a hold because it’s better to be on the bottom of a ladder that you want to be on than on top of one, you don’t!" Beauty connection to the pic and sums up your personal struggle with this league. Nicely done. Objective: Cool message in this piece. A virtual world that overtakes the real one and the effects that has on us is such a cool concept, and very real. I really liked the beginning of this. "Savior lines, mental health chat bots trend it, Ask what algorithms of friendships end with. He release some of his Steam on Nintendo, yet needs VRChat to talk with his friend though." - 'Release some of his Steam" was nice. Second stanza wasn't technically as proficient - Some stretched connections and wording. But the message remained strong... I think this had a ton of potential that, through your actual rhymes, got lost in the shuffle. I think if you spent more time on it you could've really ironed out the kinks and dropped a masterful verse. This is still great, but falls short of its own gigantic aspirations. "Corrected features, phone screens is his night lights glow, and only connects with people as far as his wi-fi go..." - Great way to wrap it up. Simple and effective. Awesome battle you two. Enjoyed both. MMLP wins with the technical stuff as expected, but Objective had a better angle in terms of where he took this. If he fleshed it out more he could've won... I just think MMLP was too great of a wall to climb here. Pun intended. Objective, you are as close as it gets to being in the top tier of this league. Your writing impresses me every week and I hope you stick around. You're RIGHT there. But for now... Vote - MMLP __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..