Netcees - View Single Post - WEEK SIX: MR. J 3-2 vs FRAZE 1-0 FRAZE WINS

Pharaohs Army · 01-12-2021, 11:03 PM

Fraze
First half and second half of this are wildly different. With the first part being general ennui and the second half relating to a love, or lost love.

So my only critique is that it's not cohesive throughout, but that's not to say it's not a good piece.

Some quotable lines in here. Actually a lot of quotable rhymes. It almost seems like they were written beforehand and sprinkled in. (Not saying they WERE, said it SEEMS like they were).

Thought the "Falling..." stanza was a little cheesy or cliche.
Strong ending stanza though.

Good work.

Mr.J

Good multies, thought the 8 towels was a little forced though

This verse didn't change my life. It was packed with rhymes and developed a character. But I guess I'm looking for something more. Perhaps your past verses and successes have ingrained a high standard in me when I read you.

Closer is a bit of a surprise as you personalize the verse and say you're still falling for her.

Good verse, but I have fraze winning this, mainly by going into more depth.

01-12-2021, 11:03 PM	#10
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	Fraze First half and second half of this are wildly different. With the first part being general ennui and the second half relating to a love, or lost love. So my only critique is that it's not cohesive throughout, but that's not to say it's not a good piece. Some quotable lines in here. Actually a lot of quotable rhymes. It almost seems like they were written beforehand and sprinkled in. (Not saying they WERE, said it SEEMS like they were). Thought the "Falling..." stanza was a little cheesy or cliche. Strong ending stanza though. Good work. Mr.J Good multies, thought the 8 towels was a little forced though This verse didn't change my life. It was packed with rhymes and developed a character. But I guess I'm looking for something more. Perhaps your past verses and successes have ingrained a high standard in me when I read you. Closer is a bit of a surprise as you personalize the verse and say you're still falling for her. Good verse, but I have fraze winning this, mainly by going into more depth.