Netcees - View Single Post - WEEK SIX CONTENDER MATCH: OBJECTIVE 2-2 vs SCAR 2-0 SCAR WINS

Master Rock · 01-10-2021, 05:14 PM

Objective, fire verse my man...it got better the second time I read it. It has a lot of depth, especially upon your opener. It had a lot of steam building up but then you lost a bit of my interest with the "U" line...I get it but felt a little forced and uninspired ( I don't know perhaps it's just me). As the Nolan line, you must still be thinking about Universe's verse the other day ( it got a chuckle out of me, Poland has the answers???..Lolz!!!). Those are the only 2 areas which I had my gripes with but to each their own. The rest of the verse was just inspiring throughout especially this part:

"Actions turn smoke into seeing the clouds in my eyes,
if this hits on a personal level I won't exhale a heartfelt surprise."

^^Bro!!! This got me feeling a certain kind way...pretty nice.
Pretty dope verse overall my man.

Scar your last verse madd on point. But this verse left a lot to be desired..I read it twice and it really wasn't my cup of tea. On the other hand, the story was there but it seemed to be a bit too bland at times (the excitement I got from last time was gone). I keep looking for metaphorical meaning and clues and I wasn't sure if there was much on that...I tried to relate to parts of the story to the heart being on and the brain being off but it didn't become apparent until the crescendo. Also, where's the rhyme scheme? I don't know this became the author's society of book writing... (I'm confused and neither amused).

This is Netcees,
most of us are online text MC's,
Poets that flow with cinematic expertise
therefore please picture pumping the brakes with these non-rhythmatic scribblees.

Bring it back...
Overall our story was dope, I feel that it may have been rushed and perhaps you didn't have enough time...If you took this concept and completed it to its whole entirety with more rhythm you would have taken this based on the depth of your story, especially with an ending like that... you ending was the best part and it made me wish that vast majority of your piece reflected that climax.

Based on these verses I am giving it to Objective based on complexity, vocab, style, and the ability to sustain my interest.

01-10-2021, 05:14 PM	#11
Master Rock Steadily Lurking Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Beyond your reach Posts: 1,391 Battle Record: 7-7 Champed - Netcees Writers League Rep Power: 5599641	Objective, fire verse my man...it got better the second time I read it. It has a lot of depth, especially upon your opener. It had a lot of steam building up but then you lost a bit of my interest with the "U" line...I get it but felt a little forced and uninspired ( I don't know perhaps it's just me). As the Nolan line, you must still be thinking about Universe's verse the other day ( it got a chuckle out of me, Poland has the answers???..Lolz!!!). Those are the only 2 areas which I had my gripes with but to each their own. The rest of the verse was just inspiring throughout especially this part: "Actions turn smoke into seeing the clouds in my eyes, if this hits on a personal level I won't exhale a heartfelt surprise." ^^Bro!!! This got me feeling a certain kind way...pretty nice. Pretty dope verse overall my man. Scar your last verse madd on point. But this verse left a lot to be desired..I read it twice and it really wasn't my cup of tea. On the other hand, the story was there but it seemed to be a bit too bland at times (the excitement I got from last time was gone). I keep looking for metaphorical meaning and clues and I wasn't sure if there was much on that...I tried to relate to parts of the story to the heart being on and the brain being off but it didn't become apparent until the crescendo. Also, where's the rhyme scheme? I don't know this became the author's society of book writing... (I'm confused and neither amused). This is Netcees, most of us are online text MC's, Poets that flow with cinematic expertise therefore please picture pumping the brakes with these non-rhythmatic scribblees. Bring it back... Overall our story was dope, I feel that it may have been rushed and perhaps you didn't have enough time...If you took this concept and completed it to its whole entirety with more rhythm you would have taken this based on the depth of your story, especially with an ending like that... you ending was the best part and it made me wish that vast majority of your piece reflected that climax. Based on these verses I am giving it to Objective based on complexity, vocab, style, and the ability to sustain my interest. __________________ https://www.instagram.com/master_rock1/ https://www.youtube.com/graphicalmindz Last edited by Master Rock; 01-10-2021 at 08:21 PM.